A Church-less State

I am so honored and excited to introduce Kimberly Coyle to you today. For those of you who don't know Kimberly already, she writes beautiful, honest prose over at her blog, Find Time for Tea (and right now she's doing a "31 Days of Encouragement for the Journey" series, so it's the perfect time to stop by and say hi). I'd known Kimberly for a while online, but this summer we ramped up our friendship as roommates at the She Speaks conference in North Carolina. Can I just say, this woman singlehandedly saved my sanity?! She cracked me up and took all the angst and anxiety out of those knee-knocking editor appointments. Plus, when she glimpsed my bizarre "Raven' Lunatic" boxer-shorts pajamas with the giant black raven on the behind, she didn't even raise an eyebrow, so you know she's cool with just about anything.

Kimberly, her husband and their three kids live overseas in Switzerland (I kept saying Sweden when we first met, because, you know, those neutral countries all kind of blend together). Today she shares a bit about what it's like to be a Christian in a less-than-religious place.

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This summer, I attended a conference for Christian writers and speakers on my summer break in the USA. During a meet and greet over lunch one afternoon, a group of us sat around the table getting to know one another. One woman turned to me and asked where I attend church. I took a deep breath, smiled, and fought the urge to lie.

“I don’t,” I replied.

Silence. Every eye turned to look at me when she asked, “What are you? A sinner?” I think the word she intended to use was “heathen”, but I thought it best to keep my mouth shut and not prove her point. I mumbled something about living overseas and not speaking the local language, which seemed to satisfy her, and she turned to discuss church attendance with the woman next to me.

Prior to our move to Switzerland, my family attended and served in church faithfully. Every Sunday, I signed my children’s names on the Sunday School roster. They received their weekly dose of Jesus from someone other than myself, and I ticked the church attendance box on the Christian Parent’s To-Do List. We read the Bible at home, but on busy or forgetful days, I took comfort in the fact that another Sunday was right around the corner. My husband and I actively taught our kids about faith, but over time I found myself using our church attendance as a crutch. I convinced myself church would keep my children from going off the rails. It would give them a safe place to meet like-minded peers, and more importantly, they might listen to the voice of the church when my voice no longer held sway. Over time, I allowed the practice of church to eclipse faith in Jesus as my kids’ Savior. I believed in its saving power, rather than Christ’s ability to draw them to Himself.

In the nearly three years since our move, I have fought guilt and mama-fear over our churchless state on a weekly basis. When Sunday rolls around and we find ourselves, once again, watching church online, my spirit deflates. I wonder if I am failing my children and how we will make up for lost time. And every week, the Lord reminds me, He is bigger than the church. I can no longer rely on a weekly dose of Sunday School Jesus or naively believe I protect my kids by placing them in a Holy Huddle. When fear for their faith rises up in me, I have nowhere to turn, nowhere, but the living, breathing, sovereign, saving Jesus. I love the church, and I long for the community and the commonality we find there. But, in its absence, I am learning to replace it as my idol, and give Jesus back his rightful place. Nothing will save my children apart from Him. Not the church. Not this sinner.

In nine months, we will return to the US. We’ll return to life as we knew it, to church and serving and Sunday School rosters. I’ll return grateful for the opportunity to worship within those four walls, but secure in the knowledge Jesus can and will reveal Himself outside of them.  

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Follow Kimberly on Twitter and be sure to stop by her blog, Find Time for Tea.

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