Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday: What's Your God Love Language?
>> Monday, September 3, 2012 –
Gospels,
love,
love languages,
obedience,
Use It on Monday
“I don’t think I’ll ever get to the point where I'll be able to say I’m wildly smitten with Jesus,”
I say to Brad, leaning my elbows on the kitchen counter as he sorts through the mail. “Not
in the whole rest of my life as a believer. I’ll never get there. I don't think I'll ever
feel that kind of love, that depth of love, for God.”
Brad looks up from the stack of envelopes. “Well, who says
you have to?” I sigh. I’ve been reading a friend’s writing, and her love for God, her stark, raw passion for Jesus is so evident on the page, it takes my breath away. It also leaves me feeling…lacking. Inadequate. Less than. Afraid.
“I just worry,” I admit. “I just worry that my faith isn’t real, because I don’t feel that kind of love, that exuberant, bursting passion. I feel like…I don’t know…I sort of feel like I’m faking it. Like I’m a big faith fraud. ”
“Well then I’m faking it, too, because I don’t go around feeling all wildly in love with Jesus either,” says Brad.
“Yeah,” I tell him, laughing, resting my chin in my hands. “That’s what I say to make myself feel better: ‘Well hey, look at Brad…and he’s still got faith…he’s still okay.’”
Yesterday in church Pastor Sara preached on Matthew 22: 36-40, in which Jesus explains the most important commandment:
“You must love the lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: love your neighbor as yourself.”
It's the heart part of that commandment that trips me up. I get loving God with my brain. I sort of get loving God with my soul. But with "all my heart"? That sounds a lot like "wildy smitten" to me. And I'm not good with wildly smitten.
In her message, Pastor Sara described what the “heart”
portion of that commandment might look like. When you love God, she said, you:
- Surrender your desires to God
- Know that God is working to transform you
- Practice spiritual disciplines like reading the Bible, prayer and worship
- Practice the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control)
- Share your faith journey with authentic community
According to Pastor Sara, loving God with all my heart looks pretty practical: surrender, know, practice and share.
In fact, I do most of these things pretty regularly -- or at least I try to. But I've always considered most of these as acts of obedience, rather than expressions of love.
My conversation with Brad and Pastor Sara’s sermon both reminded me of Gary Chapman’s book, Love Languages, which describes five basic ways couples demonstrate love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch.
You’ll notice that some of these acts of love
aren’t exactly wildly passionate or exuberant. But I tell you what. You vacuum
my living room and scrub the dirt ring off my tub, and I swoon. My love
language is the hugely practical “acts of service” all the way.
I suspect that a practical, acts-of-service type love is how I best express
my love for God, too: obedience as an expression of love. It's not a wild, tear-brimming passionate expresson. You'll never hear me say I'm smitten with God. But it's love just the same.
What about you? What love language best describes your love for God?
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We may have 2 or two dozen children, and we will love them all, but possibly in different ways. Our love for the Lord deeps as we stay in His Word and fellowship with other believers. It is like our new love for a boy friend who later becomes our husband. We still love him, but our love bonds us together the longer we know one another. You are closer than you think to being there!
My love language? Words of affirmation. Sometimes I think I've been afflicted with the most addictive love language. :)
I guess mine is quality time. We spend a lot of time with each other in the early morning. I'm working towards spending more time with God during the day. Patsy
I like that you compared it to Chapmans book, because everyone is different in how they receive and express love. Thanks for sharing this!
okay, WHEN is it that we get to meet and hang out? we're so much alike....i have never thought about those love languages and how i relate to god, just my husband and kids...have to think on that some more. great post.
My father always told me that the heart is the place of decisions. That definition has always seemed to fit well with the biblical use of the word.
Loving God with all my heart means choosing to make my love for Him a higher priority than anything or anyone else in my life...then choosing the same thing day after day. And that love is lived out, largely, in how I treat others.
This is super cool, Michelle. I've never really thought about my love language and Jesus, but yep, seems like my "real life" love languages from Chapman's book hold true to my relationship with Christ (mainly quality time and words of affirmation.) Thanks for this thought provoking concept!
Michelle DeRusha, you are the opposite of a "big faith fraud." You're working out your salvation, your relationship with Jesus, privately, but also publicly as a writer. I so appreciate reading about your triumphs and doubts and insecurities and sureties. No one believer has all of the truth or does everything right. You, Michelle, are a part of the Body of Christ. So am I. So is your writer friend with the raw passion. We're all in this together, my friend, and that's a beautiful thing:)
I feel smitten with God. And I love that you proclaim that you do not have the same feeling. I haven't always felt that way. Were it not for God, I would not feel it either. While it is possible that you may never as you told Brad be wildly smitten for Jesus - it is 100% possible that God Himself may bring you to that point because you've asked Him a question - "what about this heart (your heart)?" He hears and He sees, and I know without a doubt that He has not forgotten you. He is not waiting on your love to be shown in the same way as your friends, He just wants you - all of you. Our love for God will always fail, so even though I am smitten, "I am prone to wander and prone to leave the God I love." His does not, and friend, He is absolutely unabashedly wild for you! He gets you better than anyone ever could or ever has. He understands your love for Him.
I would never want my love for Jesus to make someone feel less than. Dear one, I doubt that your friend would want you to feel that way either. Rest in Him. God has given you a gift in this pondering - a chance to know Him more. For grace and truth. {I sincerely hope this is an encouraging comment...}
Ps. my love languages are quality time and words of affirmation.
I know just what you mean. I will admit I was jealous a few years ago listening to others 'really in love with God" I had to learn that; practice that ( love your pastors' summary) and wished it came easier to me. I love how you compared this to Chapmans' loves - great illustration.
You know Michelle, God has been showing me lately, my heart isn't the problem; all the constant over thinking and chattering in my head are. Guess we keep learning all our life.
Thanks for some great thoughts today. will continue to ponder them
I'm kind of smitten with this post. I know exactly what you mean. During college, I used to hear friends say they loved God deeply, and I used to just shake my head and wonder what was wrong with me. I, too, felt like a huge fraud. Frankly I was more afraid of God than smitten with him.
I also have lived most of my Christian life up inside my head and am ever-so-slowly embracing the idea that God created us mind, body, and soul. The second point, about God's ongoing work to transform me, has become a huge source of encouragement.
Thanks, Michelle, for posting this. I totally relate to what you're saying. I'm passionate, yes, emotional, no (guess that's why I've got all boys! :-)) Thanks for letting me know that obedience is a way of showing love. You encouraged me today!
Love your perspective here, and I am reminded that Peter didn't lean on Jesus's breast like John, but he loved Him passionately and walked on water, so each of us is a child with a different temperament loving him according to our natural bent.
Because we're human, we don't always have the most positive and passionate of feelings, but we can always obey, and I believe He responds to our obedience because it reflects our faith. I love singing and dancing to my Lord, and when my mood is less than positive, I find that counting my blessings and expressing thamks for each of them helps!
Thanks for the great post & hosting, & God bless,
Laurie
http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/
Very good post today Michelle. Thank you for your honesty. Especially because you've voiced how I so often feel. When I read such beautifully-worded blogs about others' personal walk with Christ, I too can become a tad discouraged. Wondering what's wrong with me. Why I don't have this "wildly smitten with Jesus" kind of love. Yet I love His Word and I love prayer journaling. And He's always close in my thoughts, everyday. I've always thought the receiving (and giving) of gifts was my love language. But today, by reading your post, I also think acts of service is right up there, as well. When someone helps me with something, I love 'em to bits!
It's hard not to compare sometimes, isn't it? I so appreciate your honesty in your comment, Jillie - thank you for that.
You know, you're right, Laurie - I love singing hymns to God, too - that is another way to demonstrate love, and I never realized until right now. Thank you.
Oh Lyli, I love this - yes, yes...I've never thought about the very different ways John and Peter loved Jesus. Very good point, my friend.
Sounds like we are similar in the ways we express our love, Michelle - glad to hear I'm in good company!
I'm a "feely" type, I think. He forgave me heaps of stuff, and I can't help but feel. And yet, love isn't always feeling, is it? But it is always faithful. Feelings come and go, such is life. But faith is lasting. Acts of service are acts of faith. Good stuff, Michelle.
Such good insight into yourself and how you're wired, Michelle. I, too, am often uncomfortable with written words or sung lyrics that sound too much like contemporary romance. And I'll swoon over a clean kitchen counter any day! I will say, that as I've gotten older and learned to embrace stillness and silence a little more enthusiastically (not perfectly, mind you - it's amazing to me the resistances I can still erect!), I find it easier to read the mystics - whose love language for God is decidedly romantic! But you know what? We're each unique. And what flows from one person's pen is not what will flow from yours - or mine. But please count on this, Michelle: what flows from your pen ministers to many, many, MANY people. So tell us the truth, as you have been doing so well. And we'll see your love for God, bright and shining. Yes, we will.
I think your last point is especially good, Nancy. I know I said in this post that I'll never get to the point where I feel smitten with Jesus. But how can I say that? With God, ALL things are possible.
Oh yeah, I do the whole overthinking, constant chattering thing, too, Jean!
I LOVE this comment, Jamie - you are incredibly encouraging. Thank you for that. And you know, in reading some of these comments, like yours, I'm realizing that it's not fair of me to say that "I'll never" be widly smitten with God. Nothing is impossible with him -- and I know the transformation he is leading in me is constantly ongoing and ever-changing.
Thank you SO much for sharing your thoughts here. What a gift your comment is to me today.
I just love you, Leigh!
And thanks very much for your comment here, Sharita. I'm grateful for you today!
I really, really like your definition and understanding of your love for God, Joe. Thank you for ministering to me here today!
One of these days, sister, one of these days...
I take some comfort in remembering that the heart—in the anthropology of ancient Judaism and Christianity—was the seat of one's thoughts and will and emotions. Separating these is difficult. I find that when God grants me a new insight into His nature, the thought of it so entwines itself with a visceral feeling of satisfaction and an emotional response of connection that the whole, wondrous tangle is inseparable. In fact, its power in my life derives, I believe, from its entanglement. Depending upon the day, the interplay of thought and will and feeling favors one over the other two. All are worthy of celebration!
Yeah, that analogy made sense to me...especially when I think about how I love my kids differently from my husband, and my husband differently from my parents, and my parents differently from my friends. So many ways to love!
Quality time is good. I often spend an hour or so in the morning with God before my kids get up. I see a difference when I skip that time to sleep in...I am much less patient when I miss my morning time with God.
Oh yeah, I love me some words of affirmation!
Yes, exactly - I love this analogy, Hazel. And thank you, friend, for your encouragement. It means so much to me...truly.
Oh yes, the mystics! I remember reading Teresa of Avila a few years ago and thinking, "What in the world?!"
And this I love, Diana: "Tell us the truth." That's what it comes down to, doesn't it -- because we are all so different and unique, you never know when your story will resonate with someone. That's the beauty of it.
Oh I love this, Jodi: "Love isn't always a feeling...but it's always faithful." That. Right there. Thank you.
Michelle....I love this and thank you for sharing because I relate to your thoughts on this topic. And I almost wonder if our personalities have a lot to do with how we respond to God. I think I see this in corporate worship many times....I notice that people's personalities come through - not always but many times the more flamboyant expressive individual is more demonstrative in worship - raising of hands, verbally responsive, etc. At one point in my life I remember thinking, "I wouldn't be caught dead doing any of that in a corporate worship service" or "They are bringing attention to themselves - that's awful" or "how distracting". On the flip side I would feel guilty for not being moved to worship more openly. But as I come to understand the Body of Christ more and how unique we all are I realize that some people just respond to Jesus differently than I do. Some people's response to Jesus comes in the form of raised hands or shouting in a service and that in itself doesn't make them super spiritual or super crazy. And others remain tight lipped and arms to the side but this doesn't mean they lack love for Jesus or should be categorized as the frozen chosen as we love to say. And I just wonder if the heart that oooses with smitten love for Jesus is an artistic soul with a depth of creative expression that was placed there by God. He gets that because he knit it together. And for the soul that is a little more utilitarian & reality driven and functions in black and white....the soul that loves through obedience and common acts of service - He gets that too because He knit that person together as well. This is where the beauty of the Body of Christ is exhilerating.
The most astounding thing is this, I think: It's not the depth of OUR love that matters most. It is his. It is his deep, wide, abiding, everlasting love that comes for the broken and the bruised, the passionate and the soul-dry, the "smitten" and the love-weary, the hand-raisers and the back-row pew sitters.
For GOD so loved the world.... not just those of us who wear our hearts on our sleeve and raise our hands in the sanctuary.
The world has never before known a God like this, who loves sinners, who died for wretches, who delights in us because He chooses to do so, who irrevocably loves the downtrodden, the despairing and the doubters. This God who loves us all, not because of *our* response, but because He simply chooses to love us.
It gets me every time.
We are soooooo going to hang out when I get back to Lincoln later this month:) You are beautiful inside & out, Michelle!
Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will obey what I command." (John 14:15) He didn't say, "If you love Me, be wildly smitten with Me" :). I love God with all I am. Surrender, obey, serve, trust, thank Him, find contentment in Him alone, worship Him in Spirit and in truth, proclaim/praise/exalt Him, honor Him in all I do and say...Soli Deo Gloria! I can never love Him enough.
Time is definitely my love language. Just spend some long slow minutes with me and I"m a happy gal. That first one always gets me: surrender. Surrender...
You've received some beautiful comments here, Michelle, and I don't think I can add anything any better. I just wanted to say that anyone who writes as honestly as you do could never be a fraud of any kind. I don't know how we get tangled up in so many SHOULDs in our Christian walk, but I don't think most of them are of God's design. Our love for God doesn't have to look like anyone else's, it just has to be authentic. You, my dear, are as authentic as they come. You love God enough to ask Him hard questions. You love God enough to tell the truth about where you are. You love God enough to lead other people to His feet every time you write. He knows your love for Him, Michelle, and His love for you is going to take all eternity for you to try to comprehend--you don't have to get it all at once. Thank you for this!!
Just found your site. Although I am not a Christian (I'm Unitarian Universalist), I enjoy reading your posts. I like the way you work through your spiritual questions, doubts, and uncertainties and apply your "Sunday lessons" to your "Monday through Saturday" life. Congrats on your representation with Rachelle Gardner. I am currently seeking an agent/publisher for my book about embarking on an authentic faith journey. I'd love to hear any advice you can provide. I look forward to reading more.
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