Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday: The One and Only True Judge
>> Monday, September 24, 2012 –
forgiveness,
Old Testament,
Use It on Monday
I slam on my brakes, assuming he’s going to pull out in
front of me, but he screeches to a stop at the last second. He’s steaming mad, fist
raised, mouth moving furiously. At the stoplight he pulls alongside my
mini-van, rolls down his window and leans across the front seat. Then, shaking
his finger in barely contained rage, he lambasts me.
“Why is that mean, mad man yelling at you?” Rowan asks from
the backseat. I blink back tears as I grip the steering wheel and stare straight
ahead.A couple of days later I spot the same man crossing the street near the kids’ school. When I recognize his taupe trench coat and shock of white hair, I have the urge to knock him flat with my mini-van.
Turns out, his granddaughter is in Rowan’s class. Once or twice a week for the rest of the year, I loiter next to him on the concrete steps as we wait for the school dismissal bell to ring. And as the weeks turn into months, I still can’t forgive him for yelling at me. I am still so angry. And he has no idea.
I thought about my grudge when I read the story of Joseph and his brothers this week.
Joseph’s brothers were terrified he would retaliate, and with good reason. After all, they’d schemed to kill him, sold him to slavery and told Jacob, their father, that he was dead. But Joseph surprised them all by forgiving them:
“Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you?” (Genesis 50:19, NLT)
Joseph knew what I have struggled to accept: that God is the one and only true judge.
Nearly eight months have passed since the man chastised me at the stoplight. I still see him from time to time at the kids’ school. I don’t feel the anger I once did, but I’m not sure I’ve quite forgiven him yet. It’s been easy for me to point my finger at the man’s flaws, to place myself above him in my refusal to forgive him.
Joseph’s story reminds that I don’t have the right to judge. Whether I like it or not, that authority belongs to God alone. I remind myself that many years passed before Joseph was reunited with his brothers – many years in which he undoubtedly worked hard at forgiving them. I trust that in due time, I might completely forgive the man I begrudge, too.
When you feel you’ve been wronged, how do you relinquish the
urge to punish or judge and move toward forgiveness instead?
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Yes, I struggle with this. "And he has no idea." True. It's killing me with bitterness inside and they are just oblivious most of the time. But you know I struggle with other kids who aren't so nice to Ethan or leave him out more than anything else. Mama bear, I guess. I need some quiet time right about now to ask him to "fix me" again.
Was just reading a book last night, "Castaway Kid" about a boy dropped at an orphanage at three and left there. The chapter was on forgiveness. Forgive seems a daily practice (at least for me). And my own prayer is that God would reveal the full extent of the cross and how I have been forgiven much...so that I, by His grace can love much. Thank you for sharing your honest, sincere story of the struggles we can all have to forgive. It ministers to me...and I am sure it ministers to many others.
Michelle, thank you for the reminder that I needed today. I am sitting here for the second day, fuming over a conversation I had with my sister about what a brat she thinks my child is and why our SIL hates me. This post was exactly what I needed to make me take a step back and put it in perspective and move on. Thank you, Bless you.
I have long struggled with how to identify forgiveness as deep hurts are still remembered. Here's the definition that helped me:
"You have forgiven someone when you no longer require them to feel the pain or hurt or what you felt... "
This fits for me because the hurt is not FORGOTTEN (I am unable to forget). But when I no longer require that person to feel my pain, or equivalent hurt to what was inflicted on me, I have forgiven them.
Hello friend, Hmmm, forgiveness. Not one of my strong suits.
Signed,
A trying-hard-not-to-be-holder,
A
Yep, this is a hard one for sure. I've experienced it, different circumstances. And I wish I could tie it all up with a bow, but I haven't. To answer the question, it takes a lot of wrestling with God and giving up the right to be understood or liked in order for restoration to occur. Less than a week Michelle. Can't wait.
I love your honest, grittiness. Thank you for sharing your heart. I have been in both places the yelling maniac and the crying woman behind the wheel. May God provide you a healing moment...He has done this with me when I have dished out or received unwarranted lambasting (I like this word buy the way...) Will be looking into usage. ;) Sometimes He has brought me (as He has you) close to see the person. But a couple of times He has really shown up and revealed His amazing grace in a face to face moment. Not sure what is best for you to really feel healed and able to forgive. But He does. So appreciate your heart.
Oh yes, this is difficult and maybe more so with a stranger that you are not accountable to. I think God just doesn't let you off the hook --you feel that tightening of your heart every time you see or think about that person -- until you've resolved that conflict within and let it go. Where did I hear that forgiveness is desiring deliverance for that person that has wronged you? Beautiful, relatable, honesty here!
http://www.heavenlyglimpses.blogspot.com/2012/09/on-lost-art-of-imagination.html
I wonder if the man remembers you, and regrets how he acted. I bet he does, just like you are not certain you forgave him. By now enough water has ran under the bridge, so it is time to let it go.
Understand that men blow up sometimes at things that we would let slide. Forgive him for being a "Man." There that is it - wow I must remember that next time I need to forgive my Robert. I will forgive him for being a man. :-)
This is a hard teaching, Michelle. I know those feelings. All I can do is pray. Turns out, that's a lot.
Forgiveness is not an easy thing. It is giving up my right to hold an offense against someone who has wronged me...and it is my right.
But, in the long run, unforgiveness hurts me more than it hurts the offender. It becomes my own prison, if I let it.
The most effective tool I've found for forgiveness is daily prayer for the offender. Each day praying for that person, that God will teach them, guide them, demonstrate His love to them, heal whatever hurts may have caused them to act so wrongly...
It's hard to stay bitter toward someone while continually asking God to heal and help them.
Yes, remembering that we are all, at times, the yelling maniac certainly helps.
Yes, I had a good counselor make this distinction for me, at a time I very much needed to hear it. Forgiveness requires releasing the other person of payment for their offense. It does not require trust or restoration of fellowship.
When deep hurts of a repeat offender are involved, it is important to understand the distinction.
Oh I need that constant reminder...”Am I God”...and He doesn’t call us to anything but Love...it is a process for sure...blessings to you~
Wow, you pick the hard topics for Monday, don't you? : ) Good food for thought, Michelle. Thank you. : ) Have a wonderful day!
Ugh...years ago I also had an older man do the same thing because he didn't like the lane I was in. The way GOD helped me through it was to feel sorry for him and his loved ones. What is life like for them if he gets that irate so easily?
Wow, Kelly, that is a wonderful quote.
Amen, Joseph. As I pray for the ones who have sinned against us, I feel release. Hmmm, bet that's why JESUS told us to do just that!
Good point, Connie! He did tell us to pray for those who hurt us, didn't He?
I tend to view that as a sacrifice required on my part...while He knows it is necessary for my own healing and well-being...
Somehow, when we don't forgive, the evil of the deed still holds us captive.
This sounds like a cliche, church answer...but seriously a lot of prayer and time to myself is usually the only thing to move me towards forgiveness.
First thing that came to my mind is "if you dont forgive God doesnt forgive you" a scripture which at this moment I cant tell you where it is, but I know it is:>) (2) I have learned that when rude people say rude things it is says more about them than me. (3) I have learned forgive means to just give up the right to get even, doesnt mean what they said or did was right, or that I have to be buds with them anymore. I have found that people are getting angrier and ruder especially where it comes to driving.
Been there, done that, on both sides of this. I'm learning that, when I'm the angry one shaking my fist at someone, it's usually because something else is going on in my life and I'm already having a hard day. I'm trying to practice extending grace to the other angry finger pointers, recognizing that life is hard on all of us. I just happen to be in the line of fire sometimes.
One time I ran my car into a car driven by another woman, about 20 years older than me. She came out of the car to chew me out. I felt awful and started bawling. She kept yelling. I rolled up the windows and kept crying. Finally, she realized I was a wreck. She knocked on the window and tried to apologize. I could not stop crying because it was all my fault. Still crying when the cops came. I paid for everything, as I should have. I never could accept her apology because she could never say anything as horrible as what I was saying to myself.
I don't know if the old man felt that way in your situation. Maybe not. It's been years, but if I saw her again ... there are no words.
He will avenge all wrongs with His perfect timing, and more important, He forgives us all our sins! Still, it is often difficult to wait upon the Lord! Thanks for the great post & for hosting the linkup, & God bless!
Laurie
http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/
I was angry with someone, once. Really angry, for years, b/c she'd dumped me. (She hadn't dump me in an angry sort of way, she'd just stopped having/making time for our friendship.) Our paths intersected, down the road, b/c of the kids and school. She always tried to hug me and talk to me, and it just burned me up. Finally, I sent her an e-mail and dumped the truck. She had no idea I was angry: none. She apologized, and we put it behind us.
I learned a lot from that situation. These days, if I'm angry b/c I feel I'm owed an apology, I ask for it. I go to the person and say: I'm angry w/ you. And I do think that's the biblical way to handle it. I also think it makes forgiveness and reconciliation (and even continuing friendship) possible.
On the other hand, if I feel as though the person and situation aren't worth my time or trouble in terms of confrontation, honesty, etc., I also feel as though it's on me to let it go. I'm deciding not to give the person an opportunity to fix it.
Do you think this guy realizes he yelled at you, specifically?
Oh, I think I've had those feelings, Michelle. I get angry and sometimes teary-eyed when people are aggressive towards me. Because I'm sensitive, I tend to take it very seriously--a little too seriously--I'm working on that. Thanks for your authenticity, Michelle. It means a lot to me.