The Unchosen

Sometimes I wonder if there’s a reason I am such a doubting waffler when it comes to faith. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I am not a chosen one.

Seriously. Hear me out for a second.

The Bible is chock-full of verses and passages about “being chosen” by God. It starts in the Old Testament, of course, when the Israelites are deemed the chosen people, and it continues into the New Testament with passages like these:
“No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal to him.” (Matthew 11:27)

“Then the king told the attendants, ‘Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ For many are invited, but few are chosen.” (Matthew 22:13-14)

Both of those passages are underlined in my Bible for one reason: they scare me.

I remember the evening a couple of years ago when I read that second Matthew passage aloud to the five or six people at my table during an adult education class at my church. If you’re not familiar with the story, it’s about a man who is invited in from the street to attend a wedding, only to find himself thrown out of the reception hall and into the darkness a few minutes later. After I finished reading the story I stopped and looked up at the people sitting around my table.

“I worry that’s me,” I blurted. “I worry that I think I’ve been invited, but really, I haven’t been chosen at all. I mean, who’s to say for sure that I’ve been chosen – maybe that’s why I’ve got all these questions all the time? Maybe it’s because I haven’t been chosen by God. Maybe there’s a legitimate reason for my weak faith?”

You can probably imagine how that comment went over with my group: like a big, fat, lead balloon. No one said anything, not a single word. They stared at me, shock and horror written all over their faces, and then they quickly looked down at their Bibles splayed open on the table.
 

Want a surefire method for halting conversation in its tracks during Bible study? Mention that you worry you might not be one of God's chosen.That'll do it.

I realized two things in that moment:

One: that I was the only one at the table who'd ever wondered if she wasn't chosen.

And two: everyone had clearly decided that even if I had been chosen prior to that moment, I’d just declared myself decidedly unchosen with that statement.

I spend a lot of time reassuring myself. I tell myself that my belief in God ensures that I am indeed chosen – that I won’t end up like the man thrown out onto the street, or like the weeds separated from the wheat and burned or like the virgin bridesmaids shut out from the wedding banquet. But honestly, I don’t know. My unbelief feels bigger than my belief sometimes. And as I re-read at those two passages in Matthew, the ones I’ve underlined in pencil, I wonder if there might be a very good reason for that. Maybe I struggle to know the Father because the Son hasn't chosen to reveal Him?

What about you? Have you ever read any of those verses about being chosen and doubted whether you made the cut?

{School's out, summer is here! So I'll be taking a little break from social media beginning today through the end of next week. While I will have new posts up Monday (including the "Hear It on Sunday, Use It on Monday" link-up), Wednesday and Friday, I won't be bopping around Twitter or Facebook or even replying to comments here. But I do look forward to catching up with you all when I'm back in cyberspace the week of the 11th! Thanks for grace during the respite!}

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