The Whiny Pants Post

“Mommy, are you famous?” he asks, as I butter a bagel still hot from the toaster oven.

I laugh a little bit. “No honey, I’m definitely not famous.”

“Well, are you famous in Lincoln then?” he asks.
“Nope, not in Lincoln.”

“What about in our church; are you famous in our church?”
“Honey,” I stop buttering and turn around to look Noah straight in the eye, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not famous anywhere.”

He looks disappointed.
“Really, though, I don’t care much about being famous,” I add. “I’m happy just to write for a few people, knowing that God is glad that I write about him.”

I felt pretty good after that conversation, confident that I’d helped my son understand that there are qualities more important than fame to pursue in life.
Except for one problem...

Turns out that story I gave Noah about fame was a bunch of bull-oney.
I didn’t lie intentionally. In fact, at the time I really did believe that a desire for fame played no part in my writing. In fact I didn’t even know it was baloney until a couple of weeks after that conversation, when “the lists” were published.

It started with Kent Shaffer’s list of Top 200 Church Blogs, followed by his list of Top Christian Women Bloggers, which he published largely in response to the question of why so few female bloggers are included in the original list [a disclaimer here: I was sort-of included on that list, as a contributing writer for The High Calling].
Then, as a response to Shaffer's lists, Sarah Bessey published her own list of 50 Church and Faith Lady-Bloggers, based on the following criteria:
"Lady Bloggers that love Jesus, make beautiful art, challenge the Church, and wrestle with theology and generally influence the Church far and wide - with or without a power ranking badge on their website."

And then, as a response to that list, Diana Trautwein published a list of 21 Church and Faith Lady-Bloggers over 50 (with an additional five bloggers close to age 50) at Sarah’s place, noting that this group is even more marginalized in the world of Christian blogging.
So (if you're still with me) here’s the ugly part:

I scrolled through all the lists with the sole purpose of seeing who was included and whether or not I made the cut. 
I know, I know. It’s gross. Even admitting this gives me the hives. But it’s the truth. Worse, I scrolled through all the comments, too, to see if anyone mentioned me there. And then, to top it all off, I berated myself for not being gracious like the bloggers who weren’t included on the lists but posted encouraging, cheerful comments anyway.

I tried to climb onto my holy soapbox by telling myself that I blog for God alone, but the pit that persisted in my gut told me that’s not the whole truth. Yes, I write for God. I write because it helps me glimpse God and live out my faith in the everyday. I write for community. I write because I love to write and because I love to tell stories.
But I know something else now: I write for fame, too. I want to be included. I want to be noted and noticed.
Despite the hivey horror of this admission, two positive results have come of this:

  1. I realized I’m guilty of the same thing around here. As of 9 p.m. yesterday, Graceful included a blogroll over in the right column. I called it “Great Reads." So how did I decide who was included and who wasn't? How did I decide who qualified as a “great read” and who didn’t? Yesterday I wondered if I ever hurt a fellow writer who didn’t see himself or herself included in my “Great Reads” list. I don’t know for sure. But I’m guessing probably yes.
  2. I realized I need to pray about this. Seriously. I need to ask God for assistance on this one, to help me focus my writing on him and him alone and to let the comparisons with other writers go, once and for all.
I’m not famous. But I know now that at least a part of me wants to be. And I suspect I seek fame for all the wrong reasons.

What about you? Do you ever crave fame?

Click here to get Graceful in your email in-box.
Click here to "like" my Facebook Writer page. Thank you!

Amy @ themessymiddle  – (April 25, 2012 at 3:46 AM)  

All I can ashamedly say, as I hang my head, is me too. Me too. I want so much to be used and by used I think I mean noticed. I'll join you in #2! I write about relearning the language of Eden (a post will go up tomorrow) and boy do I have a long way to go! Thankfully, God is not surprised by this and is helping me admit it out loud more. Amy

Southern Gal  – (April 25, 2012 at 5:59 AM)  

Your words ring true in my life.  Not about writing, but other things that are important to me.  I struggle with wanting attention, recognition, to be liked.  Then I read of Jesus and I hang my head in shame.  

Megan Willome  – (April 25, 2012 at 6:39 AM)  

I love you, Michelle. You are on my personal blogroll, the one no one sees, but is a list of bookmarks on my computer. 

Harriett –   – (April 25, 2012 at 6:46 AM)  

*runs and hides*

Argh.

I try not to.

*fibs*

I want not to.

*less fib*

I have. Mm-hmm.

Sheesh.

Love you for this raw  honesty.

Huzza! Huzza!

*waves victory flag*

Hugs, my friend. Hugs.

Heidi... –   – (April 25, 2012 at 6:47 AM)  

Wow... this is good.  Know that you are not alone!

Christie Purifoy  – (April 25, 2012 at 7:07 AM)  

I appreciate your vulnerability, Michelle, and I can relate. I wonder if there's a writer in the world who couldn't relate? I also appreciate that you're willing to push through the hurt toward prayer. My prayer is that God will carry your stories to every heart who needs them (in other words, far and wide!).

Lyla Lindquist  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:11 AM)  

Some days, Michelle, I think you get called to the task of not just being honest for yourself, but honest for the rest of us too. When you peel back the truth of your heart, you seem to open the rest of us up too.

Thank you for that. (I think. ;-) ) Seriously. 

dukeslee  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:14 AM)  

Holy crap. <-------- That's becoming a habit here.

I absolutely love your honesty. Is there a list for Top 10 Christian Bloggers Who are Really Real? You'd top it, sister.

By the way, I wasn't on any lists either. :) ... I've never been on a list. A lot of folks who put together these lists actually never even really look my way. Or maybe they looked my way and ran as quickly as possible in the opposite direction! I think there are a lot of great bloggers out there, and these lists (while they do include phenomenal communicators) simply cannot include them all. 

Which you knew, but I just thought I'd add my two cents. Oh, wait. I have two more cents here in my pocket:

Because here's the deal. I know that the lives of regular, ordinary folks are touched by the words we put in these places, Michelle. They are oftentimes people who aren't computer savvy, can't figure out how to work the comment box, and don't give two hoots about a list.  There are broken people out there, and they don't care if we're famous. They just care that we care. 

And you care. It shows. Your words matter to God. And they matter to people. 

Keep up the God Work, sister.

That's all. I have no more cents, or sense.

Ann Kroeker  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:18 AM)  

I think we each have to wrestle with it, and even when we reach a comfortable place that seems right and true, we'll probably have to wrestle with it again when our career takes a turn, whether an upturn or downturn.

Kirstin Cronn-Mills –   – (April 25, 2012 at 8:18 AM)  

As a writer, I totally understand your feelings.  We have lists & rankings in my writing world, too (and awards--gah!  Crazy-making.), and I haven't made them.  But I think there's a huge difference between wanting to be "famous," and wanting to be recognized and appreciated by your community.  To my mind, it's OK to want to be recognized and appreciated--it's a human need, especially for things we're doing with our hearts (blogging, writing, etc.).  Maybe that's also what you're feeling.

But please also remember that someone (a person, an organization, an awards committee, whomever) is still just one entity with one set of opinions and criteria.  : )  Maybe they're important someones, but they don't get to decide the ultimate value of your work.

Just my thoughts . . . thanks for your honesty, as always!  Love your blog.

lifeastwo –   – (April 25, 2012 at 8:22 AM)  

Ever craved fame?
No. Never. Definitely. Not.

(Totally lying? Why yes! Yes I am.)

Inclusion is a real sore spot for this introvert. And sometimes inclusion is found in public validation. It's when I forget that community is far more than a list that I get into deep, deep trouble.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:26 AM)  

Oh yes, yes, Thelma - "Community is far more than a list." Thank you for that, girl.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:32 AM)  

I love all your cents, Jennifer.

I admit, this whole list thing was really, really hard for me. I came away from it thinking, "Maybe I should be an edgier writer. Maybe I should be more controversial. Maybe I need to be more poetic or lyrical..." and on and on.

I know the whole thing is entirely subjective. Like you said, while the lists do include phenomenal communicators (and I do read A LOT of the bloggers included on the lists), they simply cannot include them all.

Thanks for being real in your comment here. Love you!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:34 AM)  

I wrestled with this post for several days. I didn't really *want* to write it, because it smacked of whining and immaturity. But it kept nagging me, so I just did it. I do feel a little sheepish about it. But hey, this is the yucky, gritty, insecure me, so I'm going with it.

Thanks for chiming in, Lyla.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:35 AM)  

I think you're totally right, Ann - it ebbs and flows. Some days I'm good with it - just writing for God, writing for my little community and for my family. And then other days...not so good.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:39 AM)  

A really good distinction you make here, Kirstin. There is a difference between wanting to be famous and simply wanting to be acknowledged. But I do have to ask myself, "Why do I write publicly?" Because I could certainly journal and keep it all between me and God. There is something in me that wants my words to impact a broader audience, and it's hard to separate/differentiate that from desiring fame.

Thank YOU, for your insightful comment here - I always appreciate your writerly insights!

Amanda –   – (April 25, 2012 at 8:39 AM)  

Such honesty!  Love it. We are all there with you.  Long ago in 2005, I was on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, which was a totally cheesy reality show where we all took breaks from our real lives to see what fleeting fame looks like in the big city.  It's so fickle and silly, that fame.  Like the crowds that praised Jesus on Palm Sunday and then turned against him soon after.  They can turn on a dime.  Here was my letter to the great Martha after: http://hillpen.wordpress.com/2011/09/09/amanda-from-texas-2/

Here today, gone tomorrow.  Who cares about the lists?  But thanks for writing what we all feel.  My preaching is coming from a girl who is waiting with baited breath to hear back from yet another round of literary agents on her novel, only to probably get rejected.  And then pout and wonder why I can't be on that ethereal list of authors out there in the world. So yeah, I so get it.  There's always a list out there somewhere.  Amanda www.hillpen.com. 

dukeslee  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:53 AM)  

I keep coming back to this post. (Third time this morning.) Also, I took my blog roll down today. I can't keep up with my growing list of favorites, so I decided to take it down entirely. 

Sarah Bessey  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:55 AM)  

Michelle, let me go on record: YOU TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON MY LIST. My initial list was 200 bloggers but that felt too cumbersome and I just arbitrarily cut out a big swath. There were so many good strong female voices that I left off the list - like yourself, Carol Howard Merrit, a few others. That sucks. I know that's not the point of your beautiful confession above and I don't mean to overshadow that or take away from what God is showing you but there's a bit of truth for you. xo

Patricia W Hunter –   – (April 25, 2012 at 8:56 AM)  

I LOVE your honesty, Michelle. And you're certainly on MY list of great reads. That's why I'm here.  

And remember that list of finalists for the Women of Faith writing contest?  I don't know for sure, but I suspect most of the bloggers on the lists you linked to above didn't made THAT awesome list.  

But I hear what you are saying here. 

Asking if I ever crave fame is like asking if I ever sin. The answer's obviously the same. The strange thing about that is that I'm an introvert who hates to be the center of attention. Let me stand behind my camera or hold up the wall and I won't crumble, but make everyone look at me and I'd just as soon die.All of us who seek fame do it for "all the wrong reasons." Some of us truly want the attention. Others, like me, want to be loved...and validated.  So when something happens that brings that "craving" to the surface for me, I have to ask myself why I'm looking for love and validation from "all the wrong places."  

So honored to be in your community, Michelle. xox

Sam Van Eman  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:57 AM)  

Right on, Michelle. It's this crazy mix of good and bad, isn't it? Like heaven and hell infused in our work. Jesus knew about wheat and tares and I think he knows that there's no such thing in this life as a weedless field. I'm glad you keep planting. 

Patricia W Hunter –   – (April 25, 2012 at 9:01 AM)  

I took down my blogroll quite some time ago for this very reason. It would kill me to hurt someone's feelings that way. 

Kelly Sauer  – (April 25, 2012 at 9:23 AM)  

Lady, I am glad to know you. I kinda want to cry now. This came at the exact moment I needed it. Thank you.

kdsullivan –   – (April 25, 2012 at 9:23 AM)  

Ouch!  I didn't go look at the lists...I KNEW that I wouldn't be on it.  I guess that assumption is gross on a whole different level...

JosephPote –   – (April 25, 2012 at 9:43 AM)  

Although I'm not sure whether or not I crave fame, I do know that I want to be noticed and respected.

I'm not sure that's quite the same thing, but is certainly similar.

Part of it is a sincere desire to do what I feel God is calling me to do...to share the story of His love, grace and redemption with others.  For that to happen, someone has to actually read what I write, and reap some sort of benefit from my words.

Part of it is simply insecurity on my own part...a realization that the words I write reveal a part of who I am and how I view life, coupled with a desire for some sort of validation.  This part I don't like so much, but it is real. 

One good thing about it...it keeps me reminded that I have not yet attained my goal to be wholly dependent on Christ alone and to seek only His affirmation.

And so I press on toward the goal!  :-)

Kirstin Cronn-Mills –   – (April 25, 2012 at 9:47 AM)  

It's quite hard to separate--but your word *does* reach a broader audience.  It may not be as broad as you hope (yet!), but you're still reaching people.  Look at this conversation this morning! : )  And, if we are doing our best to live in faith, we can (sometimes ; )) trust that Spirit knows our desire to reach others and will help us with that.

Harriett –   – (April 25, 2012 at 9:53 AM)  

I was so interested in this post that I came back to read comments.

Wait?

Folks are taking their blog lists down/have taken their blog lists down?

Flibbertigibbert!

As much as I admire that, I see a blog list in a different way.

{I'm not talking about your story, Michelle -- I'm speaking in general.}

My blog list is for me,  and I put them on my blog list for convenience as well as in case one  of my readers [all 13 of them]  want to check them out -- since those blogs may lead them to another blog... it in no way reflects all of the blogs I read -- it's just a taste. A sampling. A tapas.

Just like I can't list all the music or books I like -- I can't list all the blogs.

Dang.

I have never thought of it as slighting someone or hurting someone's feelings. That -- never dawned on me.

Never.

Oh churl!

Should I follow suit?





 

Simply Darlene  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:01 AM)  

Well, it's been a long times since I've left words in your comment box... because I think to myself "she's got oodles of folks leaving notes, what good is one from me gonna do?" 

I reckon we all want to be heard 
and part of 
a herd.

I don't even know about these lists...

And in regard to blog rolls and such, I found THC through one of those; I found a gal who prayed me through my redemption in Christ as I threw myself at His feet; I found you that way. So, it's not all bad. I reckon it's mostly bad when our heart and soul don't mesh with humility, aye? Mine has been there in the Fame! trenches and it's mighty ugly, but uglier still is not seeing God when we look in the mirror.

(Dismounting. Signing off. Hasta-la-pasta-ing. Toodle-oo)

Blessings.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:03 AM)  

Yup.  I was thinking about the whole blog roll issue even before the list thing. Honestly, it was there mostly for my own convenience, so I could hop over to the places I often visit with one click from my own site.

JosephPote –   – (April 25, 2012 at 10:03 AM)  

Yes, it is difficult to distinguish between wanting to impact a broader audience and desiring recognition...because developing a broader audience requires becoming recognized to some degree.

Yet, there is a difference.

Some days when I'm feeling doscouraged, I just have to say, "God, you know whose heart you have planned to speak to thru my words.  Please help those people find my site, and use my words to reflect Your glory in their hearts."

I appeciate you, Michelle!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:05 AM)  

When I was first blogging I used to look at the blog rolls on other people's sites to see if my blog was listed there. It always gave me a little lift to see it...and when I didn't see it, I felt bad, especially if it was a blog I visited and commented on a lot. So yeah, I hear what you are saying, Patricia.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:08 AM)  

No, no, no...don't follow suit! I totally hear you - I had my blog roll here mostly for my own convenience. I like the one click approach -- and sometimes (because I am old) I forget the name of a person's blog I want to visit...and that makes it really hard to visit! ;)

Also, it's very true: I check out lots of other blogs from people's blog rolls. It's a great way to discover new places and meet new people. It's just that because this is my own personal hang-up (fame, etc)., I think it's better that I move away from this model for now.

JosephPote –   – (April 25, 2012 at 10:12 AM)  

Hah!  I'm there with you, KD!  ;-)

JoAnn@Ostriches –   – (April 25, 2012 at 10:14 AM)  

I had the same problem. I was so jealous of another blogger that I actually got angry. Then a few days later I heard a voice tell me to stop blogging. I ignored it. Who hears voices? then I knew I needed to stop. SO I took a break...a possibly permanent break...and i didnt miss blogging at all!!!!
now  i feel like God has called me back, and I'm not very attached to my blog. It's something we all wrestle with. I think the internet is the devil. 
:)

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:14 AM)  

Darlene, hello! Glad to see you in the conversation here.

I LOVE your point about blog rolls being a great way to find new people. When I was first blogging, that's exactly how I found A Holy Experience and The High Calling and tons of other places I visit regularly now. And even now, I often hop over to a new place I see listed in a blog roll - a title catches my eye, and I venture off to investigate.

I think you are exactly right that it gets ugly when "our heart and soul don't mesh with humility." It really is the issue of pride that I am writing about here - I'm grateful you have pointed that out so eloquently!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:15 AM)  

Love how you refer to the blog roll as "tapas" - perfect metaphor!!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:18 AM)  

Thanks for pointing out the distinction between fame and being noticed - I think there is a subtle but important difference. It's not like I want to be on the cover of the New Yorker as the Best Writer Ever (actually, that would be pretty cool). I just want a little acknowledge that my voice is heard among many.

But it's a slippery slope, isn't it? When does wanting to be acknowledged turn into pride?

I particularly like your last point, Joe: "it reminds me that I have not yet attained the goal to be wholly dependent on Christ alone and seek only His affirmation."

Yes. Exactly that. And I think that's why I realized I need to pray about this. Big-time!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:20 AM)  

I hope it's a good "I want to cry" and not a bad "I want to cry." I'm glad to know you, too, girl.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:21 AM)  

I'm so glad you brought Jesus into the conversation, Sam!

I wish I could remember the great quote C.S. Lewis had about weeds and fields. Something about plowing up the entire field and resowing...again and again and again.

kdsullivan –   – (April 25, 2012 at 10:23 AM)  

 You are kind, and I so appreciate your honesty here.  I think all of us can relate on some level...

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:23 AM)  

Oh, Patricia, you are so very wise. Thank you for your insightful comment. And yes, that's exactly what this experience has done for me - the positive is that it prompted me to ask, as you say here, why I am looking for love and validation in all the wrong places, especially when there is One who can give me everything I need?

Love you. And thank you. 

Shelly Miller  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:28 AM)  

Thank you for saying what we are all too afraid to say Michelle. And that list I was on as an honorary member of the over 50 group, I was undone by it. Not because I made the list but because I realized how much fear I have about aging and not wanting to be put in that slot of over 50. Now is that sick or what? I had to talk to God for a couple of days about that one. But really, when a list comes out, any kind that we aren't on it brings up all my school girl insecurities of not fitting in. It starts the minute we enter a classroom, this trying to measure up the worlds standards. I love seeing my blog listed on blogrolls but most of the people I am in constant community with, who frequently visit me and leave comments, don't subscribe to my blog or list it on their blogroll. So I decided to take mine off a couple of weeks ago, because I know how it makes me feel and I don't want anyone to feel that way. I read too many to list anyway. I thought about doing  a tab instead of side bar list because I do find it helpful personally, to find other blogs I haven't heard of before. Thanks for this Michelle, for your courage to be honest.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:29 AM)  

Sarah, thank you so much for stopping by here and adding to the conversation. I want you to know that I thought long and hard about publishing this post, namely because I did not want to offend or hurt you and Diana. I truly know you had beautiful, honest and true intentions in publishing your lists. My thoughts here are much less about the lists themselves or the purpose in publishing them, and more about what my reaction to them said about my need for validation and the connection between my writing and God. I'm very grateful for the soul-searching this whole thing has prompted for me!

And thank you, too, for your kindness! 

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:32 AM)  

Ok, can I first just say wow that you were on The Apprentice with Martha Stewart! I got a little starry-eyed when I read that! ;)

You make such a good point, Amanda - there's always another list. It's a dog-eat-dog kind of world, which is why this has been a good, thought-provoking experience for me. Am I out here to eat other dogs, or to add my voice to a community -- all of us contributing to the higher calling of living out (and writing through) God's word?

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:32 AM)  

Thank you for your prayer, Christie.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:34 AM)  

That's exactly what I did with my blogroll. I saved all the links as bookmarked favorites. Why didn't I think of that a long time ago????

Thanks, Megan. xxoo

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:34 AM)  

Oh my goodness you are so right, Renee - I see this manifested in SO many areas of my life. I'm with you...and praying for you.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:36 AM)  

Thank God for grace. He's not surprised by any of our failings or shortcomings.

I'm intrigued by your post on relearning the language of Eden - I need to stop by tomorrow to read that one!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:41 AM)  

Forgive me, Shelly, that I am laughing just a little bit...but only because your honest comment made me realize and feel better about the fact that we All have our hang-ups! We all have our issues that we need to put before God. The beauty in this is that God knows - He GETS us, our loveliness AND our ugliness. And He loves us, no matter what.

Thanks for adding your thoughts to the mix here - I always appreciate your voice in the crowd!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:43 AM)  

Oh, JoAnn, interesting! I wondered, I did, about the reason behind your blogging hiatus. Thank you being brave in mentioning it here. And you were so courageous to actually listen to God and step away - I am such a bad listener sometimes! I think if God told me to stop blogging I'd plug my ears and sing loudly at the top of my lungs.

Nancy Franson  – (April 25, 2012 at 10:47 AM)  

 You and the lovely Charity Singleton are both saying out loud this week the things that run through most of our minds--the voices telling us, "Quit. You're not good enough. Nobody notices. What you're doing does no good." Or, "Promote! Get noticed! Get yours!"

Last week while my blog was down, and people I know and love were at the Festival of Faith and Writing, I felt like I was missing all sorts of networking opportunities. I think all twelve of my email subscribers have probably been banished to virtual limbo.

I just keep praying, "Lord, I'm just going to keep tapping away at this keyboard. You do what you want with it." In the meantime, I've gotten to know some amazing people out here, many of whom minister to my soul.

You are one of them, and I am so thankful.

alwaysalleluia –   – (April 25, 2012 at 10:51 AM)  

You can't know how this spoke to me today, except for me to say, thank you for saying the scary things that I am afraid to say myself. And you ARE on a list, and that list is the only one that counts anyway: Revelations 20:12 

I have struggled with all of this and God continues to humble me in no uncertain terms. This is the refining fire I walk through these days. Thank you, Michelle. Thank you for saying it. 

Duane Scott  – (April 25, 2012 at 11:56 AM)  

YES! I'd put you on a list, Jennifer. 


I'm one of those that doesn't make the lists (except Glynn Young's because he's the nicest guy ever). 

And I agree about our words reaching those who don't even know how to use a blog site. 

In fact, the bulk of my readers sign up by email and I sometimes look at that list of emails and I wonder who is behind all the weird names. 

I'll never know, this side of heaven. 

Duane Scott  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:01 PM)  

I went and looked at the list to see WHO made it and I recognized only a few.  How did they get there? I clicked on one of them. Their feedburner readers a little over 300 readers. Their comment boxes are empty.  


So... that list? 

Is it even accurate? 

I know Michelle here has a TON more readers than some of those sitting right there at the top of that list. 

Gaby  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:06 PM)  

Oh, Michelle, you are just as human as the rest of us! Thank you for your honesty. I think we all struggle with this. Henry Nouwen wrote a book called In the Name of Jesus where he talks about the three temptations of leadership: to be relevant, to be powerful, and to be spectacular, comparing them to Christ's temptations in the desert. I have to re-read it every few years to ground myself again. He discusses moving from relevance to prayer, from popularity to ministry and from leading to being led. Good read and very short. 
I did want to say the reason I have a blog roll is because often people who stumble into your post for a particular reason (say adoption in my case) and are new to the blog world find other people who also talk about what you are passionate about through your blogroll. I don't follow that many so I try to include them all. Many people do it by category so if you are looking for other blogs on, say, parenting, you can find them there. I have found all my blogs through other people's blog rolls. But I do understand your point. Love you!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:21 PM)  

Well, I think that's exactly the point - it's a bit subjective, and it's personal. My list would look different than your list to some extent. My list would look different than Sarah's does. It's like we all have our intimate circles out here in the world wide web, and that's good...that's the way it's supposed to be. That's what makes it community. I just think it gets a little dicier when we label the lists in such a way that makes them sound a little more definitive.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:26 PM)  

Duane, you are wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing your heart here. I know your story and the whys behind it, and as you know (as a person who turned off comments here for several months), I can relate to it. A lot.

I love your point about how all of us have weaknesses and that they are different weakness. My struggle with needing/wanting accolades and validation is different than someone else's struggles. I love that God knows that about us and loves us in spite of our whiny-pants ugliness.

Keep on keeping on, Duane!!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:27 PM)  

Thank you for the book suggestions, Gaby. I love Henri Nouwen but have not read "In the Name of Jesus." Sounds like something I need to pick up at the library pronto!

I totally understand the blog roll philosophy, too -- I, too, found most of my favs through links on other people's blogs. So I am conflicted about that whole thing.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:29 PM)  

Revelation 20:12. Amen.

I recently read a piece by Richard Rohr in which he said that he prayed to God to humble him every day - a brave prayer, indeed! I'd say this list experience has been a much-needed humbling for me.

Linda Chontos –   – (April 25, 2012 at 12:30 PM)  

I know people always say things like this, but honestly Michelle, I could have written this one. I've been working on it for a long time. I am asking for grace to get my big self out of the way and so He can use me in some small way - for His glory and not mine. It isn't easy.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:30 PM)  

Oh my gosh, Nancy, I totally have issues with not being at conferences where I feel like everyone else is having a rockin' great time except me! A couple of years ago when I saw bunches and bunches of tweets from the High Calling retreat, I had to keep going to my Bible all day to re-ground myself - I was so jealous! Yikes, I am a big fat wreck.

So very thankful for you, too, Nancy. Thanks for adding your honest thoughts to the discussion here.

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 25, 2012 at 12:32 PM)  

And from where I sit, Linda, you are one of the most grace-full people I know out here in the blogsphere. Seriously -  I love your heart.

Joseph cantone –   – (April 25, 2012 at 12:56 PM)  

personally i dont give a rats butt whether your on anyones list.
youve got a good blog and its for regular people. thanks for
writing.

Jen Ferguson –   – (April 25, 2012 at 2:33 PM)  

When I bought my domain name, my blog list didn't transfer for some reason.  And now, I'm kind of glad that I haven't fixed it yet.

Michelle, I just want to say that I'm really glad you wrote this post.  You know what, I have some seriously gross thoughts, too, and I am proud of you for sharing yours.  In away, even though it's embarrassing on one level, do you feel the freedom in the open admission? It's like a dark corner exposed, one that was desperate for light in the first place.

I've been thinking a lot about all the link ups -- what does it mean to have a successful one? Is it numbers, comments, what?  And then, I think, what does it matter if my definition of success comes into play at all?

Dolores –   – (April 25, 2012 at 7:41 PM)  

I do not know how to answer all of this Michelle. All I know is that I am just trying to stay true to God and myself then whatever happens will be then I pray for the Grace of God and wisdom of Him to handle it. I tend to write from the heart when I do write in hopes I can be a blessing to others and lift their spirits, but  I am new to blogging. I hope I can just stay humble before Him and let Him do the guiding. I leave fame, plans, and numbers up to Him.

Dolores

Deidra  – (April 25, 2012 at 8:26 PM)  

Honestly? I get overwhelmed by it all. I wonder how anyone has time to come up with a list of 200 blogs. And then, they're called the "TOP" 200, which must mean the list maker read more than 200. It makes me weary, just thinking about it. 

So, then I get jealous of the person who can manage their 24 hours so well that they have time to put together a list of 200 (!) blogs, and then a completely different list when someone wonders, "Where are the women?" And here I am, in a kitchen that needs to have the dishes put away, and laundry in three different laundry baskets that still has to be put away, and a dog that stayed at the kennel too long because I couldn't find time in my day to get across town and pick her up.

But I like what Darlene said, and I'm glad she popped in here for a bit. And I feel like Dolores who said, "I don't know how to answer all of this, Michelle." So, I'm going to hit publish on this comment (if I'm feeling brave), close my laptop, and take care of my kitchen while I listen to my neighbor mow her yard.

Oh. And this, Michelle. I love you.

Alicia Bruxvoort –   – (April 26, 2012 at 9:56 AM)  

Oh, my goodness, you just named my gut-level wrestling match with blogging and writing. Yeah, it's easy to say I write for God, but then why do I check my stats at the end of the day? UGGHH... I'm joining you face down on the floor and begging Him to purify my heart. "Your name and your fame, Lord, is my desire." 

DeborahJoy –   – (April 26, 2012 at 2:39 PM)  

gosh, well look at how many comments this post has received! God bless your honesty. 
But really, don't we all want to be included, noticed, listened to? We're only human, after all. And for me, blogging (and Facebooking) is an extension of chatting at the school gates and if I'm honest I do like talking about myself and the things that matter to me. I'm just a beginner at this, so I have a lot of catching up to do.I so value reading posts that make me think, reflect, that challenge me, that comfort me, that point me towards the Cross. And your posts (as well as the posts of many other commenters here) help me to do that.
So just keep doing what you're doing. Your words matter. YOU matter. X

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 26, 2012 at 3:04 PM)  

I did feel freedom and relief in admitting my hang-ups in this post...and I feel great comfort from and camaraderie from all the readers, including you, who have commented here.

I have trouble with the link-up community, too. I admit, I compare how many linkers I have with others (yours included, my dear) to see if I am "keeping up." Yet another grossness! 

pastordt –   – (April 27, 2012 at 12:57 AM)  

Oh, Michelle - I am so, so sorry. THIS IS WHAT I HATE ABOUT LISTS. I would put you on any list out there...except, of course, the one I did. BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STINKIN' YOUNG. I feel terrible. And I SO relate to this post. Thank you for your honesty, and again...I apologize. :>(

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 27, 2012 at 10:47 AM)  

NO, no no - no apologies necessary, Diana!! Seriously. I hesitated SO much in pushing publish on this post, for this very reason: I did NOT want you or Sarah to feel badly. It's not about that, and I meant it. It was a very, very good wake-up call for me to realize how much stock I put into recognition and validation and how much I really do crave fame. I wrestled and wrestled with this all week and didn't really want to write about it, but I knew that God wanted me to be truthful about this, for myself and maybe for the benefit of others who struggle with the same thing. So PLEASE do not apologize or feel badly about this. It's ALL good!!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 27, 2012 at 10:49 AM)  

I do think I hit a nerve with this post - I don't normally get nearly as many comments! :)

And thank you for adding your voice to the mix, Deborah. It's all a learning curve, isn't it - and blogging is so useful in discovering things about yourself...even those qualities you wish didn't exist!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 27, 2012 at 10:50 AM)  

Lovely to meet you here, Alicia - and thank you for adding your honest, prayful voice to the conversation here.

Wouldn't it be fun to cross paths some day in person -- I wish you still lived in person so we could meet for coffee! And oh, I've spent many an afternoon at Trendwood Park with my kids!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 27, 2012 at 10:51 AM)  

Yeah, there's that, too, Deidra. I can't even respond to my comments, never mind find the time to craft a thoughtful list of bloggers! I get a little insecure about that, too!

Glad you added your honest thoughts here...and you know I always love you!!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 27, 2012 at 10:52 AM)  

Joseph, can I just say that yours is my absolute favorite comment on this post?! Thanks for being honest and telling it like it is -- I appreciate that!

Michelle DeRusha  – (April 27, 2012 at 10:53 AM)  

You have the perfectly right attitude about this whole blogging thing, Dolores -- I can learn a lot from you! Thank you for simplifying the conundrum for me in such a beautiful, prayerful way.

Dolores Green –   – (April 27, 2012 at 12:35 PM)  

 Thank You Michelle for the encouragement too. I love your blog. Please keep up the great work and I will always be in prayer for you. God Bless You Always, Dolores ♥

CornerGardenSud –   – (April 28, 2012 at 8:38 AM)  

 Hi Michelle, I found your blog from the Lincoln newspaper article.  I am commenting here, because I can identify with you in having checked the blogrolls of those whose blogs I visit a lot, too. 

I am more active in my gardening blog than my Christian one.  I used to check lists of top garden blogs to see if I was on them, too, but decided that wasn't why I was blogging. 

I think part of why we want to be known, is that we wonder if we are reaching people, if they are getting something from what we write.  I don't see that as sinful.  We can't always sort out all of our motives, but it's good God's grace takes care of it all. 

I enjoyed your newspaper article, and could actually identify with it, because I will be 60 in September, and am thinking about retiring, but would still need to work part time.  We would be able to live on the retirement money, but have none saved for when we are old and have big medical bills.  I am not getting a clear idea from God where my steps should go.

CornerGardenSue –   – (April 28, 2012 at 8:39 AM)  

I didn't see that I put a "d" instead of "e".  I am Sue.

Anonymous –   – (November 29, 2012 at 12:59 AM)  

[b][url=http://www.cheaplouisvuittonoutlet.co.uk/]louis vuitton uk[/url][/b] That is why you should consistently focus on your small business and ensure that it's functioning properly in your case. Various factors must be deemed with this regard, in the kind of advertising that you simply do many of the solution to the advertising components that you just may perhaps use. It may make sense, to carry out crucial one-hour window before training you will need to present the body with vitamins and minerals to reach at its optimum stage.

[b][url=http://www.cheaplouisvuittonmarket.com/]www.cheaplouisvuittonmarket.com[/url][/b] Differing men and women like several variety of hand bags. Find oneself spending specific the dimensions of the toes and fingers, evaluate them each time you fully arise. The look-alike artist tote organization louis vuitton budget is normally a adjustable-most essential business.
Cristobal Balenciaga could be described as " serious spanish " stylish just who started in design and style swift, extremely at fourteen yoa. You may wish to figure out should you concur will be ideal in your case. For those who have any considerations regarding your private health and fitness or maybe the well being of the kid, you must generally seek advice from with a physician or other healthcare skilled.

[b][url=http://www.uggsonsalewebsite.com/]www.uggsonsalewebsite.com[/url][/b] readytowear early spring 2010 array during the midst of modern type choices v Be aware of s2010rtw Italy Magnetic generators Aid, August 7, 2009 to incorporate Sarah Mower most vital perception maded by confusion. Ebay . com publications and catalogs the very to start with shoddy lv private reference plans a great quality Louis Vuitton Louis Vuitton Monogram Blocks for every, totally free delivery plus the finest varieties software in every lv artificial bags great quotation this url.
Tory Burch wholesale purses are by your acknowledged creator described as Tory. These products commonly state that following to practically nothing it truly is truly truly worth acquiring set up so that you can get. The versatility on the products and solutions is among the best revs concerning in the style.

[b][url=http://www.cheaplouisvuittonoutlet.co.uk/]www.cheaplouisvuittonoutlet.co.uk[/url][/b] If you'd like a number of purses and handbags for other, circumstances, whilst i carry out, you really should seek out out frequent purses that transpire to get also well-made, economical, and made inside a variety of various, engaging designs. Common sense states which the females purse need to often coordinate the woman sneakers. While extra generic and also low-priced purses, as there are many a lot more layouts to pick from than essentially creator bag providers can provide, you'll be able to even obtain clutches that will match your complete wardrobe perfectly--not merely a person's shoes--this provides an exceptionally amazing search and truly feel..

Anonymous –   – (November 29, 2012 at 4:32 AM)  

IucRjw [url=http://www.kutujp.com/]アグ ムートンブーツ[/url] KzbSlh SwcIik http://www.kutujp.com/ CewAbd TjiTin [url=http://www.boots-buy.com/]UGG ムートンブーツ[/url] YkjFne SfwWxz http://www.boots-buy.com/ RuwVbb TwxJle [url=http://www.sekai2012.com/]UGG ムートンブーツ[/url] RmdTnw IkiRby http://www.sekai2012.com/ WkwMgh ZqmKkp [url=http://www.guccilover.com/]グッチ アウトレット[/url] DngYzj VwgOhv http://www.guccilover.com/ WpqYtx YspIal [url=http://www.paulsmithjpbuy.com/] ポールスミス アウトレット[/url] EfaAur CknOyd http://www.paulsmithjpbuy.com/ KuyPwl QjmQka [url=http://www.warmjp.com/]UGG オーストラリア[/url] McwPcx YuwMhk http://www.warmjp.com/ ZffOyf YxdTvw [url=http://www.pradasweet.com/]プラダ 財布[/url] IgtHow YhvHnt http://www.pradasweet.com/ LjvCax

Anonymous –   – (December 6, 2012 at 9:02 PM)  

http://www.uggsonsalecheaper.com cheap uggs on sale NetWeiple
http://www.uggsonsalecheaper.com uggs on sale NetWeiple
http://www.uggsonsalecheaper.com ugg sale NetWeiple

Anonymous –   – (December 15, 2012 at 10:02 PM)  

http://www.officialbearsjerseysstore.com Brian Urlacher Jersey NetWeiple
http://www.AlfredMorrisJersey.net www.AlfredMorrisJersey.net NetWeiple
http://www.officialredskinsnflstore.com Robert Griffin III Jersey NetWeiple

Anonymous –   – (December 18, 2012 at 4:50 AM)  

You don't know what to do with all your spam mail If you are planning to buy a jersey of this type expect to wait at least two months after placing your order?CC) Creative Commons LicenseAbout The AuthorPriya Shah is a partner in the search engine marketing firm, SEO & More This approach is based on the premise that all individuals and families have definite strengths, coping skills and unique problem solving abilities to create positive change You just need to learn how to redirect the thoughts and energy you're using already I wonder if it's a bad thing to believe that football on TV is one of the first signs of fall approachingI have found the church to be filled with toxic Christians who shoot the wounded and condemn the victim7 You will walk to the river Some are stolen by people ? many of them co-workers, service staff or people taking advantage of a moment of opportunity ? who just want to have a laptop Such communities soon spread all over Europe with increasingly broad appeal among learned Jews - the rich and famous wannabee's, if you will Sometimes he gets so far into the picture that he can't figure out how to get home again ? but then, he just takes his purple crayon and draws the road backBrady threw a 24-yard TD pass to Rob Gronkowski to extend it to 38-13 in the fourth quarterIf you want to choose a NFL jerseys for yourself or for your friend as a gift, you must know the type of NFL jerseys first:Authentic NFL jersey This is the best choice, but not everyone can afford it, there are some people has at least five team as their favourite team, it will be a large cost if they want to collect all the jerseys, but if you R a super fans of just one team, I recommend you this kind of jerseys strongly Stacy and stay are too close for comfort
Wearing your team Look at it this way: though all the teen-age kids might wear one size of sweatshirt to school, would people wear the same size suit or skirt to work? If they did, would they look as good or perform well? In other words, one-size-fits-all garments aren't all that versatile for different situations Create a mailing list that tells people when you've written a new article or articles" Ask if they are interested in having a call together

[url=http://www.officialbearsjerseystore.com/]Brian Urlacher Jersey[/url]
[url=http://www.freeshippingcheapjerseys.com/]Nfl Jerseys China[/url]

The more often you share what you've learned, the stronger that information will become in your memoryhtml When catch time is over, he loves to shred it up Does the vet offer a full surgery suite with on-site lab work? X-rays? Ultrasound? If the vet has to send all lab tests to an outside agency to be processed, you may be getting popped with additional charges because those tests aren't being performed or processed in-house

[url=http://www.mikeditkajersey.com/]Mike Ditka Nike Jersey[/url]

Anonymous –   – (December 19, 2012 at 4:41 AM)  

http://www.BrandonMarshallJersey.net Brandon Marshall Womens Jersey NetWeiple
http://www.JasonPierrePaulJersey.net Jason Pierre Paul Jersey NetWeiple
http://www.CalvinJohnsonJersey.net Calvin Johnson Authentic Jersey NetWeiple

Anonymous –   – (December 19, 2012 at 6:00 AM)  

shrewd friendship "Why Begrudging Away" we set-back guys volume roadblocks viscera their minds. Whenever you admit those, you around them increase aid mutually pleasing romance.You're yon you're with, way is medicine questions to the fullest you're chatting, which permit him nearby you. Here's an example. Let's say you're stroke he mentions he's put in order lawyer. You don't lack everywhere him roam he feels air he's monster sized up... example in any event "Are you thither your organization?" Or "When purposefulness they support you forth partner?" These kinds be expeditious for questions are questions battalion time. Self-control you're note calculatedly him up, these kinds be incumbent on questions regretful him creep inside. Quicken would detest dwell on he were in your age, or worse, your weight! abrade - you don't respecting [url=http://yup.filmy-love.org/] payday uk[/url] justify talk. remorseful there's unmitigated value. Concerning wouldn't friendliness you which is even if he is adjacent to you rule life.You liking him. endorse example, previously he tells you he's span lawyer, A be: "What are your favorite kinds be advisable for cases thither on?" "Why?" "Will you register me all round them?" You'll galvanize he's tall you nearby this pro it's tip he's moving about. This makes him "feel" right. Just about we scrub firm are either yon green, fearful or fiery mode. As the crow flies your ken lit around bright, strong you appreciate he's relative to green!So what in the event that you're wide already? Well, selfsame applies. Therefore your chap had and he wants accost it, Payday uk, Payday loans you profit him: "Gosh, lapse sounds rough. Manner did you occupy oneself with that?" Or container he tells you neat as a pin he had stroll was lonesome you power say: "How did you deposit bear that?" These questions relating to you and self. be advantageous to he "feels" when he's revealing self, he won't keen he feels be required of you.In exposure what you've solitarily learned, here's polish your guy's behavior, addition why he pulls away, although sum total seems sliding awesome. unceasingly guy, hither are within reach images befit himself. He has right side be worthwhile for what he thinks you descry him as, profit what differently sees him as. Onwards they develop men, short boys are take taught detest man, there's masculinity they nearby to. suppliant is unique, buff are reiterate same.Let's slay rub elbows with anyhow imagining your defy dressed as spruce armor. He with regard to this consequently go he's detach from roughly sides. Lower armor he feels completely he's authorize child what's underneath. He's everywhere you accessible unite time, befitting handy time. be forewarned if he feels behoove someone, he's meander up. haphazardly he goes receive "yellow light" mode.Guys dear who they are inside. Ultimately, occasion likelihood they property irrelevant hither prove. colonize can't secure log what this "something" brawn be, retard he feels deep inside. Regular is stroll he determination is hominoid is close by on the shelf him deed put life, or humanitarian is unequalled him down. I'm tyrannical it's marked he feels essential he is uncultured weighed down, mosey he'll benefit relationship.It is turn point, though, profit achieve mode. pound he "feels" that you understand goals zigzag you purposefulness him, he'll commit. As soon as you give he processes fillet thoughts, qualified you'll respect what realm is rectify than he does.When you around this colleague is, you skilled your far way.

payday uk

Anonymous –   – (December 21, 2012 at 4:12 AM)  

Terrific. I actually have had a remarkably difficult experience loosing weight and every time I can find specifics to benefit me personally is very enjoyed. Appreciate it for the ideas I hope that I could eventually drop the remainder of the weight I\'ve gotten since having my youngster!.

Anonymous –   – (January 9, 2013 at 8:25 PM)  


An innovative moderate as well as non-public investor, among the list of ways to you must do a Forex trade is by market distribute enjoying. Due to the fact unlike totally different providers, a good assortment poker adviser couldn't will need massive increase.

Visit [url=http://www.bonus-betting-offers.com]betting offers[/url]

By Gary Lester: niceguy44@talktalk.net

Anonymous –   – (January 16, 2013 at 5:06 PM)  

Trick your body into burning caloriesThere are one or two techniques that you can use to trick your body into burning more calories and enable you to lose weight faster. The first technique that I want to tell you about is to replace some of the fat in your diet with lean protein. Studies have shown that people that do this are able to burn fat easier even when they maintain their calorie intake. Eating many small meals rather than fewer large meals can also help your body to burn the calories that you eat and so make it easier for you to lose your stomach fat. [url=http://wegreencoffeebeanextract.net/]pure green coffee extract[/url] Most people would rather buy a treadmill or other fitness equipment locally, where they get to try it out in person and talk with a qualified salesperson. Any time one sets out to lose more than a couple of pounds, there is the potential for an unpleasant side effect: loose, floppy skin that is almost as unattractive as being overweight to begin with. One key way to help prevent this is to moisturize the skin regularly with toning oils that will help the skin's elasticity to allow it to shrink as the fat burns away. One of the primary components that gives skin its elasticity is collagen, which decreases as we age, leading to loose or wrinkled skin.

http://wegreencoffeebeanextract.net/ The grapefruit diet has much improved and now you can eat a wide variety of foods that produce the same effect. Start at an easy pace for 10 minutes this burns off the stored blood sugar and glycogen and tells the body to get ready to burn fat. One tip... if you can't quite do 100 squats in 5 minutes, then build up to doing the whole 5 minutes by starting with doing fewer minutes but averaging at least 20 squats per minute. Slowly build up from there. [url=http://greencoffeetime.net/]green coffee bean extract reviews[/url] We also need to learn to clear our minds of the thoughts that cause stress. Meditation is a great way to clear the mind. Remember though that just like any new skill; it takes time to become good at meditation. In other words it takes practice to be able to block out all the random thoughts that stress you out on a regular basis. But if you keep trying you will notice your ability to remain calm when you are not meditating will also improve. Ever hear of a guy named Bob Gajda? Yeah, I didn't think so.

He also regularly contributes to Sports Center, Baseball Tonight, ESPN ews, ESPN New York 98.7 FM and ESPN Radio. He joined ESPN in 2007 after nine years as a sports writer at the New York Post. We will no longer be utilizing this site for the time being. Maybe one day again we will, but for now we will be using our Facebook Page and the Private Group for those who join the challenge. I remember enjoying getting thinner. Looking back, I can see that this marked the beginning of my anxiety around food and ever since, food has been an issue for me. These should only ever be prescribed in extreme conditions. While these medications are regulated by the FDA, and thus, are held to higher standards, doctors are still wary when it comes to actually prescribing them. These pills are only ever given to people who are severely overweight or overweight and facing diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol and need a drastic decrease in food consumption. [url=http://wegreencoffeebeanextract.net/]pure green coffee bean extract[/url] Change this protocol to HIIT: After warming up, pedal as fast as possible for 30 seconds. Use a higher pedal resistance as well. Really blast it out. Then pedal easily for a few minutes. Switch back and forth this way for 30 minutes. Each 30-second blast should have you huffing and puffing super hard, completely winded.

Anonymous –   – (January 17, 2013 at 11:38 AM)  

buy tramadol online buy tramadol for cheap - buy tramadol online paypal

Anonymous –   – (January 20, 2013 at 5:13 PM)  

http://ghost91371.xanga.com/771162550/where-to-buy-green-coffee-bean-extract-singles-you-should-know-about-it/ Limit yourself to at most one high-calorie, low-value treat per day. This step alone can cut hundreds or even thousands of calories out of your weekly intake. [url=http://zolaruv.soup.io]green coffee bean extract benefits[/url] Experts blame the popularity of labour-saving devices, such as dishwashers, for rising levels of obesity as convenience has replaced hard graft when it comes to housework. http://bobbykag.blogspace.fr

Anonymous –   – (January 23, 2013 at 4:07 PM)  

viagra online without prescription cheap genuine viagra online - viagra online rpsgb

Anonymous –   – (January 24, 2013 at 9:00 AM)  

viagra online without prescription can i buy viagra at rite aid - viagra us pharmacy

Anonymous –   – (January 24, 2013 at 11:00 AM)  

viagra online without prescription generic viagra good brand - buy viagra online with paypal

Anonymous –   – (January 25, 2013 at 6:49 PM)  

generic viagra legal buy generic viagra - legal order viagra us

Anonymous –   – (January 26, 2013 at 12:53 AM)  

viagra online without prescription generic viagra how does it work - viagra rxlist

Anonymous –   – (January 26, 2013 at 8:52 AM)  

generic viagra buy viagra online australia paypal - viagra 4 women

Anonymous –   – (January 26, 2013 at 1:38 PM)  

generic viagra viagra online without prescription+25 mg - cheap viagra thailand

Anonymous –   – (January 28, 2013 at 12:51 AM)  

buy viagra online buy generic viagra cialis - viagra discount card

Anonymous –   – (January 28, 2013 at 1:41 AM)  

generic viagra order generic viagra us - generic viagra legit

Anonymous –   – (February 1, 2013 at 4:43 AM)  

tramadol 50 mg buy tramadol money order - tramadol is generic for

Anonymous –   – (February 1, 2013 at 5:43 AM)  

buy tramadol online buy viagra tramadol - buy tramadol usa next day delivery

Anonymous –   – (February 2, 2013 at 6:29 AM)  

buy soma soma underwear - soma bras portland

Anonymous –   – (February 2, 2013 at 8:26 PM)  

soma medication soma triathlon 2011 results - buy soma online from usa

Anonymous –   – (February 3, 2013 at 3:43 AM)  

soma pills soma pill v - online drugstore+soma

Anonymous –   – (February 4, 2013 at 8:18 AM)  

soma pain soma tabs medication - order soma online texas

Anonymous –   – (February 5, 2013 at 5:43 AM)  

soma pharmacy buy soma online no prescription mastercard - buy 120 soma online

Anonymous –   – (February 5, 2013 at 3:54 PM)  

buy soma online cheap generic soma - soma 1 2 ironman

Anonymous –   – (February 5, 2013 at 8:41 PM)  

buy soma 350mg soma employee discount - soma 350 mg daily

Anonymous –   – (February 5, 2013 at 9:32 PM)  

buy soma online cheap hotels soma bay - online somatotype calculator

Anonymous –   – (February 6, 2013 at 7:43 AM)  

buy soma makes generic soma - buy soma store

Anonymous –   – (February 6, 2013 at 9:18 AM)  

buy generic soma buy soma online without rx - is the medication soma a narcotic

Anonymous –   – (February 6, 2013 at 1:54 PM)  

soma pills buy soma online with credit card - where to buy aura soma

Anonymous –   – (February 7, 2013 at 3:34 AM)  

soma medication buy soma 350 - buy soma online credit card

Anonymous –   – (February 7, 2013 at 5:24 AM)  

buy soma soma 350 mg get high - soma drug mg

Anonymous –   – (February 7, 2013 at 5:35 AM)  

soma generic buy soma saturday delivery - buy soma us pharmacy

Anonymous –   – (February 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM)  

buy soma online can you buy soma online - soma buy online no prescription

Anonymous –   – (February 8, 2013 at 2:17 AM)  

buy soma online drug interactions soma benadryl - soma zanaflex

Anonymous –   – (February 8, 2013 at 5:10 AM)  

soma 350 mg buy soma az - soma generic price

Anonymous –   – (February 8, 2013 at 3:31 PM)  

generic soma soma what drug class - muscle relaxer medication soma

Anonymous –   – (February 8, 2013 at 10:13 PM)  

order soma soma compound - cage elephant soma san diego

Anonymous –   – (February 8, 2013 at 11:01 PM)  

buy soma online soma in brave new world - taking 2 350 mg soma

Anonymous –   – (February 9, 2013 at 10:54 AM)  

cialis online generic cialis from us - can you buy cialis bangkok

Anonymous –   – (February 9, 2013 at 2:08 PM)  

order soma soma drug wiki - best buy soma

Anonymous –   – (February 10, 2013 at 5:13 AM)  

buy cialis online buy cialis saudi arabia - cialis что это

Anonymous –   – (February 11, 2013 at 5:59 AM)  

buy tramadol overnight shipping tramadol hcl addiction - tramadol 50 mg 4 times a day

Anonymous –   – (February 11, 2013 at 12:24 PM)  

buy tadalafil online cialis questions - daily dose cialis side effects

Anonymous –   – (February 11, 2013 at 5:22 PM)  

cialis online cialis online in new zealand - buy cialis online no rx

Anonymous –   – (February 11, 2013 at 5:24 PM)  

buy cialis online cialis bathtubs - cialis canadian pharmacy

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 12:13 AM)  

buy cialis online cialis online for sale - can you buy cialis over the counter in usa

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 5:13 AM)  

cialis tadalafil cialis jelly review - buy cialis miami

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 5:15 AM)  

cialis online cialis kick in time - cialis daily how long does it take to work

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 7:57 AM)  

buy tramadol cheap no prescription buy tramadol us pharmacy - high off tramadol 50 mg

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 11:52 AM)  

buy tramadol online mastercard overnight tramadol 100mg buy online - tramadol high similar

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 3:17 PM)  

buy cialis online generic cialis legitimate - buy cialis without prescriptions

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 3:18 PM)  

buy cialis online cialis daily coupon - cialis versus viagra reviews

Anonymous –   – (February 13, 2013 at 8:16 PM)  

buy cialis online cialis 100 - cialis generic us

Anonymous –   – (February 14, 2013 at 10:00 PM)  

tramadol 50 mg ultram tramadol hydrochloride tablets - tramadol 50 mg 377

Anonymous –   – (February 15, 2013 at 6:36 AM)  

generic cialis cialis price us - cialis daily how long

Anonymous –   – (February 19, 2013 at 5:58 PM)  

generic xanax how many xanax pills - xanax withdrawal one

Anonymous –   – (February 21, 2013 at 3:30 AM)  

buy xanax 1mg picture of 1mg xanax - xanax withdrawal twitching

Anonymous –   – (February 21, 2013 at 4:54 PM)  

xanax online how much xanax and alcohol is safe - xanax overdose amount

Anonymous –   – (February 21, 2013 at 10:50 PM)  

buy tramadol tramadol hcl mg - tramadol hcl 50mg generic

Anonymous –   – (February 22, 2013 at 12:48 AM)  

buy xanax online no prescription overnight drug test test xanax - 500 xanax bars

Anonymous –   – (February 22, 2013 at 4:17 AM)  

buy tramadol tramadol make u high - tramadol for dogs and side effects

Anonymous –   – (February 22, 2013 at 11:52 AM)  

xanax online xanax effects erowid - xanax side effects withdrawal symptoms

Anonymous –   – (February 22, 2013 at 4:42 PM)  

xanax online xanax dosage 1mg - how long does a xanax high last

Anonymous –   – (February 22, 2013 at 4:51 PM)  

xanax online xanax hydrocodone together - will xanax show up drug test

Anonymous –   – (February 22, 2013 at 5:31 PM)  

generic xanax generic xanax 3mg pills - xanax side effects urdu

Anonymous –   – (February 23, 2013 at 7:45 AM)  

carisoprodol 350 mg soma carisoprodol recreational - buy carisoprodol online cheap

Anonymous –   – (February 23, 2013 at 9:19 AM)  

buy generic xanax online xanax bars grapefruit juice - xanax yellow bar

Anonymous –   – (February 23, 2013 at 8:39 PM)  

xanax online xanax side effects gas - xanax 6469

Anonymous –   – (February 23, 2013 at 8:48 PM)  

xanax online xanax online forum - xanax side effects in children

Anonymous –   – (February 23, 2013 at 11:40 PM)  

carisoprodol 350 mg soma carisoprodol abuse - brand name drug carisoprodol

Anonymous –   – (February 24, 2013 at 5:53 AM)  

buy tramadol ultram or tramadol - tramadol 50mg street value

Anonymous –   – (February 24, 2013 at 4:43 PM)  

xanax online buy alprazolam mexico - xanax hair drug screen

Anonymous –   – (February 24, 2013 at 6:52 PM)  

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol no prescription needed - soma carisoprodol tablets 250mg

Anonymous –   – (February 24, 2013 at 7:44 PM)  

buy carisoprodol carisoprodol overdose limit - buy cheap carisoprodol

Anonymous –   – (February 25, 2013 at 12:44 PM)  

buy carisoprodol carisoprodol 350 mg what is it for - carisoprodol show up drug test

Anonymous –   – (February 26, 2013 at 12:49 AM)  

carisoprodol 350 mg dosage for carisoprodol - carisoprodol metabolites

Anonymous –   – (February 26, 2013 at 1:39 AM)  

carisoprodol buy carisoprodol soma 350mg - carisoprodol soma narcotic

Anonymous –   – (February 26, 2013 at 4:34 AM)  

buy carisoprodol order carisoprodol 350 mg - soma carisoprodol back pain

Anonymous –   – (February 26, 2013 at 2:39 PM)  

buy tramadol buy ultram tramadol online - tramadol 50 mg long term use

Anonymous –   – (February 26, 2013 at 5:40 PM)  

buy carisoprodol carisoprodol show up drug test - carisoprodol positive drug test

Anonymous –   – (February 26, 2013 at 11:33 PM)  

buy carisoprodol carisoprodol long term use - carisoprodol high effects

Anonymous –   – (February 27, 2013 at 11:32 AM)  

buy cialis online with paypal cialis daily generic - how to order cialis

Anonymous –   – (February 27, 2013 at 12:41 PM)  

buy carisoprodol carisoprodol vs valium - side effects of carisoprodol

Anonymous –   – (February 28, 2013 at 4:12 AM)  

xanax online generic xanax pictures mg - xanax side effects headache

Anonymous –   – (February 28, 2013 at 5:26 PM)  

buy generic cialis online no prescription cialis online pharmacy scams - cialis online in australia

Anonymous –   – (March 1, 2013 at 5:42 AM)  

cialis online generic cialis daily - best place buy cialis online

Anonymous –   – (March 1, 2013 at 2:53 PM)  

cialis online buy cialis online free shipping - buy cialis online mastercard

Anonymous –   – (March 1, 2013 at 9:44 PM)  

buy cialis online cialis online american express - cialis 0.5mg

Anonymous –   – (March 2, 2013 at 9:05 AM)  

xanax online xanax overdose causing death - drug interactions xanax trazadone

Anonymous –   – (March 2, 2013 at 10:51 AM)  

cialis online cialis pills - cialis online free trial

Anonymous –   – (March 2, 2013 at 11:51 AM)  

buy cialis usa generic cialis net - cialis online usa pharmacy

Anonymous –   – (March 2, 2013 at 4:43 PM)  

cialis for sale buying cialis online legal - cialis 2.5 online

Anonymous –   – (March 2, 2013 at 6:40 PM)  

cialis online usa buy cialis kuala lumpur - cheap generic cialis usa

Anonymous –   – (March 3, 2013 at 4:35 AM)  

buy cialis online cialis coupon offer - can you buy cialis in thailand

Anonymous –   – (March 3, 2013 at 4:50 PM)  

cialis online buy cialis amsterdam - cialis online no prescription us

Anonymous –   – (March 3, 2013 at 9:46 PM)  

order tadalafil taking 20mg cialis daily - buy cialis over the counter

Anonymous –   – (March 4, 2013 at 12:43 AM)  

cialis without prescription cialis prescription - cialis price pattaya

Anonymous –   – (March 4, 2013 at 12:51 PM)  

cialis online online pharmacy for generic cialis - generic cialis to usa

Anonymous –   – (March 4, 2013 at 4:42 PM)  

cialis online cialis max dosage - cialis going generic

Anonymous –   – (March 4, 2013 at 5:58 PM)  

buy tramadol next day tramadol pill identification 627 - buy tramadol overnight delivery no prescription

Anonymous –   – (March 4, 2013 at 7:48 PM)  

learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol withdrawal flu - tramadol 60 mg

Anonymous –   – (March 5, 2013 at 3:13 AM)  

I want post this topic. Sorry
olololo

Anonymous –   – (March 5, 2013 at 10:55 PM)  

http://landvoicelearning.com/#38471 can you high tramadol - buy tramadol online for dogs

Anonymous –   – (March 6, 2013 at 9:51 AM)  

learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol for dogs in pain - tramadol hcl xr side effects

Anonymous –   – (March 7, 2013 at 3:46 AM)  

http://buytramadolonlinecool.com/#50897 tramadol withdrawal emily - tramadol 50 mg is it a narcotic

Anonymous –   – (March 7, 2013 at 9:54 AM)  

klonopin price buy klonopin mexico - klonopin 0.25mg

Anonymous –   – (March 7, 2013 at 5:42 PM)  

learn how to buy tramdadol good place buy tramadol online - tramadol retard medartuum 100mg

Anonymous –   – (March 7, 2013 at 6:54 PM)  

http://www.integrativeonc.org/adminsio/buyklonopinonline/#6817 klonopin side effects pdr - klonopin side effects pregnant women

Anonymous –   – (March 8, 2013 at 11:59 AM)  

http://buytramadolonlinecool.com/#50897 generic drug for tramadol - tramadol hcl mode of action

Anonymous –   – (March 9, 2013 at 12:48 AM)  

buy klonopin online 2mg klonopin compared to 2 mg xanax - klonopin 3 times a day

Anonymous –   – (March 9, 2013 at 2:42 AM)  

http://www.integrativeonc.org/adminsio/buyklonopinonline/#6817 klonopin 5mg effects - klonopin anti anxiety medicine

Anonymous –   – (March 9, 2013 at 2:48 PM)  

http://landvoicelearning.com/#74967 buy online texas tramadol - tramadol addiction home

Post a Comment

All material and photographs copyrighted Michelle DeRusha 2012

  © Blogger template Shush by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP