Lessons from Relevant {or, why I'm glad I didn't wimp out and retreat to my hotel room for the entire weekend}

I’m still digesting the massive amount of material and inspiration I absorbed at the Relevant Conference last weekend. Here are my Top 19 Lessons -- some deep…some not.

Lessons On Writing and Blogging:

1. Serve the people who come to your table. As a writer, you are a hostess and you have people ringing your doorbell, hungry for your words. Rather than being concerned with the people who aren’t coming to your table, serve the ones you already have. They are coming to your place for a reason, so feed them. (Emily Freeman, Chatting at the Sky).

2. Tell the honest story and how God has met you in your own story. The goal of writing your story is worship – you want the reader to worship God through hearing your story. (Shelley Noonan, B'Twixt & B'Tween).

3. Be discerning and wise in your writing. Ask yourself this: what is truly beneficial to readers and what is simply serving as a platform for yourself? (Dr. Juli Slattery, @DrJuliSlattery).

4. Don’t let comparison steal your joy – don’t let it steal the unique gifts that God has given you. Follow God’s lead, for he has given you a unique story. Will you use it for his glory? Be God’s you. (Joy Forney, Grace Full Mama).

5. God chooses normal people to be world-changers – normal people who have a heart for God. Your story is the best opportunity to minister to someone who needs your story (Sally Clarkson, I Take Joy).

6. Have you told your own story of what God has done for you? Is your blog for the voice of God or is it an idol for you? Am I being a platform-builder or a kingdom builder? Am I writing to get love or to give love? (Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience).

Lessons On Social Media:

7. If social media stops being fun for you, walk away from it for a while (Lisa-Jo Baker, The Gypsy Mama).

8. When using social media, listen as much – if not more – than you speak. Don’t just broadcast your own stuff; participate in conversation. The only currency that matters in social media is relationships. (Lisa-Jo Baker, The Gypsy Mama).

9. Self-publishing (i.e. e-books) is not a way to get rich, but to enrich other people (Sarah Mae, Like a Warm Cup of Coffee).

The "I Probably Should Have Thought of That" Lessons:

10. Disregard the inevitable “flight” response that comes when facing a room of 225 strangers who all seem like they know one another. Breathe deeply, grip purse tightly, smile broadly and don’t run away to dive beneath duvet in hotel room.

11. Bring a laptop to a writing/blogging conference. For some, this would be a given. Me? Not so much. A laptop is especially helpful when your agent texts in the middle of a session that she needs you to email her your manuscript ASAP. [commence sweating and frantic phone calls to husband].

12. Bring business cards. Lots and lots of business cards. When conversation lags awkwardly, ask fellow conferencemate where she blogs – this will incite everyone at the table to dig into their purses and hand around cards, which will prompt conversation again.

13. Wine helps. Cheese and crackers and grapes and ginger snaps help, too (thanks Nancy Franson).

14. The smallest suitcase is not necessarily the wisest choice (think mega-swag).

The "I Never Expected That" Lessons:

15. Wonderfully zany online friends are even more wonderfully zany in person. Big God-hearted friends online are even more big God-hearted in person. Encouraging, supportive, generous friends online are even more encouraging, supportive and generous in person.

16. It’s possible to become totally smitten with a woman who three days prior had been a complete stranger. [Kristen Strong you are the bomb!].

17. Not crying during worship or keynote speeches does not automatically mean you do not love God or that your faith is not real or that you are an emotionally vapid person. God knows you are not a crier, and he’s cool with that.

18. Four airports, four flights, many hours of delays and layovers and hundreds of miles in a minivan do not necessarily spell disaster, especially when you are given the gift of new friendship and much laughter (fistbump to @SallyHaukas).

19. That we'd still have plenty to talk about and we wouldn't nearly be sick of each other after a three-day conference and a 14-hour travel day. Now that's a good friend!

So there you have it. Relevant knocked some sense into me and helped me get my priorities straight regarding why I write, who I write for and what purpose all this online-social media insanity should serve. In a word, Relevant was…relevant.

Photo: Abby Alleman and me. This is the one and only photo I took at Relevant, and I know I'm all creepy cockamamie-eyed (I swear my eyes are two different sizes, but I only notice it in photos - weird!), but I had to use it here because along with her gorgeous smile, Abby has a gorgerous heart for God, and I want you to get to know her! She and her family are moving to Hungary soon to serve as missionaries there!).

Southern Gal  – (November 4, 2011 at 5:23 AM)  

Thanks for summing it up. It sounds like you learned a great deal while having a fun time.  Nothing better than that!  (Not having a laptop and wanting to retreat to the hotel room sound like something I would do.)  

Nancy Franson  – (November 4, 2011 at 7:08 AM)  

#17: Not only is God cool with that, He delights over you with singing. The only other person I know from Nebraska reminded me of that not long ago. And, yes, wine does help. Especially when you forget to pack your feather boa. And that Abby is simply adorable.

Harriett –   – (November 4, 2011 at 7:13 AM)  

LMBO at your analysis of your own photo -- don't we do that too much? And here I thought, "Dang, Michelle looks terrific. Love the dress. You look all young -- are you 30 yet?"

I love what you got to learn, and I know you shared what you know [you know oodles].

I love the advice about serving those who do come to your table... sometimes, I worry about my blog -- who's reading  it, what does he/she think, and why I don't have more readers. Now, I am taking that advice --  I am just moving forward with those who like my food and giving them more. I'll make them fat --- and forget the others.

That's my favorite -- oh -- and the "normal" people make a difference -- I'm studying Acts in my BSF this year. You know what? As a life-long believer, I had not put some things together in terms of the early church.  God just continues to teach this old crow/crone/cow.

*tee hee*

Glad you had a good time. Hugs.

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 7:22 AM)  

Harriett, I just love you to pieces!! Everything you write makes me smile -- thank you for bringing joy into my tired, headachy morning. I especially love your comment about making your readers fat -- yes, sister!!

I am 41 BTW -- I have tons of grey hair -- it didn't show up in the photo -- have the crazy eye, but at least my hair looks brown!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 7:23 AM)  

Love that verse -- Zephaniah, right (I'm probably not spelling that right, because I am not a very good Bible-banger). I heard that verse a lot this weekend. It just might sink in!

Email me a couple of pictures if you have them, please! I am really regretting that I took only one -- what was I thinking?

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 7:24 AM)  

Yeah, the laptop thing was pretty dorky. I was trying to "unplug." But really, attending a blogging conference is not the time to uplug. I get that now!  Thanks for stopping by Renee. Have a great weekend!

Dawn Gonz├ílez  – (November 4, 2011 at 7:54 AM)  

Michelle! Love your categories! #10 - My utmost fave, can so totally relate to that! #17 - brings back memories, friend. Tears don't make you spiritual, just red-eyed and stuffy-nosed. It's overrated.

 And the two different sized eyes in photos? I have it too. It's what makes you lovable you. Hilarious. I loved this post.

Gaby  – (November 4, 2011 at 7:54 AM)  

I really enjoyed this, Nancy. I have heard so much about this conference from you and other bloggers that I feel I have seen a glimpse of it. I still don't know what my blog is or is not and you are helping me define it.
PS: what are you talking about? I could not focus on your eyes for that bright smile of yours!

Jennifer@GDWJ  – (November 4, 2011 at 8:07 AM)  

Thank you for the summaries, Michelle. I've gotten the essence of the conference, and tried to follow the Twitter stream, but was so curious about the various speakers' messages. Thank you for that. I'm curious, also, if you'll be willing to share at some time your thoughts on e-books. I saw you had posted something somewhere else -- Twitter? Facebook? -- about that.

Praying for your future books, whatever the format. Note, the plural BOOKS. You're one of those God-hearted people. I love you...

(And you look smokin' hot in that photo. ~smile~)

Christie Purifoy  – (November 4, 2011 at 9:01 AM)  

Thanks for the great recap! I'm making a mental note for future conferences right now: bring laptop, bring busines cards. :)
Did you get a chance to meet Lisa-Jo? She's one of my dearest friends (from way back before blogs). It never ceases to amaze me how small this internet world can be.

Lisa_notes –   – (November 4, 2011 at 9:28 AM)  

Thank you, Michelle! I'm so glad you took good notes (obviously) and passed them along to us. I need to hear these lessons and put them into practice. I would love to go to Relevant next year.

 (And I'll remember I don't have to bring a small suitcase. ha. Although that's usually all I can lift...)

Stacy  – (November 4, 2011 at 9:37 AM)  

Thanks for sharing Michelle! Those of us who didn't get to attend still get to reap the benefits!  Good lessons.

Shelly –   – (November 4, 2011 at 10:30 AM)  

Thanks so much for sharing your concise, honest, thoughtful gems from your Relevant experience. Felt like I was there with you.  For those that couldn't attend, it is generous of you to write about it this way.

Linda Chontos –   – (November 4, 2011 at 11:08 AM)  

Thank you for sharing this Michelle. Every single one of these spoke to me.

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:20 AM)  

Glad I'm not the only one with the kooky eyes [btw -- never noticed that about you - in person or in your photos. I think the lesson there is that we are much more critical of ourselves than others are].

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:21 AM)  

You know what, I came away from the conference not sure I know what my blog is about either -- wondering whether it needs to be more concise or more focused. Not sure about that yet -- "faith in the everyday" seems a little too broad. But that's where I'm at right now, so that's what I write about.

And thank you, sweet friend, for the comment about my smile (5 years of braces is worth something after all!).

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:24 AM)  

I took a ton of notes about e-books -- attended a break-out workshop on that alone, because I am thinking about going down that road. So yes, I'd love to share what I learned. And in the meantime, check out Mary DeMuth's post -- I think you can find it at her site -- something like the Top 10 Things she learned about publishing e-books -- very, very helpful. [she also posted it at Rachelle Gardner's site, too - so if you type Mary DeMuth into the search engine there, you will probably find it pretty easily. It posted at RG's in the last couple of months).

Are you thinking about writing an e-book????? (I hope so!!). Maybe we can walk this road together?!

Love you back, big-time!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:26 AM)  

Yes, I met Lisa-Jo -- she is wonderful! How truly great that you know her in real-life. She is so incredibly genuine. Plus I learned how to write a 5-minute post from her -- she did a session on that, and it was so good for me, because up till then, I'd been totally chicken to participate in her 5-minute Friday link-up. She had SO many good things to offer about writing, social media, parenting, etc. I could write a post just about her!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:28 AM)  

I would  highly recommend Relevant. I learned so much, met so many wonderful people, and best of all, got my priorities straighten out. Definitely bring the bigger suitcase. They gave out a lot of wonderful swag gifts from the sponsors. I had to leave about 4 or 5 books back in the hotel room (egads!) because I couldn't fit them into my stuffed suitcase. What a shame! Hopefully the hotel staff got to take home a few good reads that day!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:29 AM)  

So glad you appreciate it and got something from my summary, Stacy.

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 11:29 AM)  

I took pages and pages of notes -- so much wisdom and grace shared there. I'm glad you find it useful here, Shelly. Thanks for stopping by today.

Angela Dively –   – (November 4, 2011 at 11:39 AM)  

:( so sorry I missed you.  I was in the same Hands-On Writing 3 class with you. :)
Your notes are great!  what a great way to revisit the conference and lessons learned. :)

JosephPote –   – (November 4, 2011 at 11:57 AM)  

Sounds like it was a great conference!  Thank you so much, for sharing, Michelle!

I think I'll skip the "hold purse tightly" advice, but otherwise, most of this is very relevant to me, right now.

As a newbie in the blogging world, I have struggled with finding the balance between trying to get word out about my blog and attract traffic, versus simply faithfully writing what God lays on my heart to say.

On the one hand, I don't want to get caught up in the numbers game (which is SO easy to obsess over).  On the other hand, I do want to be wise about finding ways to get word out to people who might be blessed by reading my blog.

Your notes, with advice from people much more experienced at this than I, helps bring perspective.

Oh, and based on my experience as a business traveler (an area in which I have substantial experience) the smallest suitcase is almost always the best choice...or at least in my opinion...

Thank you!

JosephPote –   – (November 4, 2011 at 12:01 PM)  

Keep the small carry-on suitcase.  If you have more to carry back than can fit in your bag, use the money you saved by not checking bags to mail the extras to yourself.

If they're not worth the cost of postage, then you didn't need to clutter your life with them, anyway.

Or, at least, that is what works best for me...  ;^)

KristenStrong –   – (November 4, 2011 at 12:01 PM)  

Oh, Michelle, I'm *so* thankful we were able to room together. You are always so gracious online, and to see that graciousness live and in color? Beyond beautiful. *You* are the awesome sauce, da bomb diggedy supremo! 

And thank you so much for your Relevant take aways, you mentioned several points I forgot. You BLESS. :)

Love ya, girl! 

Stacey29lincoln  – (November 4, 2011 at 12:08 PM)  

Me, me, me!!!  I'm not so much of  cryer either!  And I think I saw a photo of you in the Relevant Flikr stream!  

So glad to meet you Michelle! 

Michele  – (November 4, 2011 at 12:32 PM)  

#10  was me in a nutshell: It took an amazing extroverted conference to introduce me to me and show me I really am introvert and God is just fine with that.  So I can be too.  That duvet dive was SO inviting.  You are kidding me- I thought there were like 400 women there.  It felt like 1000.   I resisted mightily but then it snowed.  For a FL girl who lives in Africa, that was a sheer grace invitation to go wandering in a world clothed in white.  And my lesson was if I am relevant to heaven, Papa will make me heaven's revelation on the earth.  Love your takeaways!

Diana Trautwein –   – (November 4, 2011 at 12:47 PM)  

Oooh #10 got me, too - and I'm a low-level extrovert. But sometimes that duvet is just calling my name when I have to push through waves of women I've never met. This is a wonderful list, Michelle. So glad it was a great time for you and I am grateful for each reminder on your 19 point scorecard. Thanks.

Courtney Buxton  – (November 4, 2011 at 2:19 PM)  

This is a very identifiable list. Thanks for sharing this wisdom!

Jacque Watkins  – (November 4, 2011 at 3:03 PM)  

Thank you for this rich summary...it was so delightful to meet you in real life!

Shawn Smucker  – (November 4, 2011 at 3:19 PM)  

Sounds awesome. A reminder that I need to make the time to get to a good conference.

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 3:21 PM)  

Oh my goodness Angela, what a bummer to have not met you! Were we in the same small-group break-out for the writing prompt? That exercise scared the bahooey out of me, because I've never done one of the Gypsy Mama's 5-minute Fridays before.  But it was so good to step out of my comfort zone (I did a lot of that during the Relevant weekend!).

I will stop by your place soon to say hi! Thanks so much for your commen here!

joan taylor –   – (November 4, 2011 at 6:07 PM)  


Thank you so very much for sharing your very Relevant experience.  I felt as though I was right there.  All of it applies to me. 

Your wisdom was well received....

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:19 PM)  

You are very welcome, Joan - I'm glad you found it useful!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:26 PM)  

You will find a conference very beneficial -- I returned with a new vigor for writing and a clearer vision of what and to whom I am writing.

It's harder for men, though, isn't it? It just struck me now that most of conferences I know for Christian writers (Relevant, She Speaks) or bloggers (Blissdom) are geared toward women. That's kind of a rip-off for you!

The High Calling does sponsor a writers' retreat each year at Laity Lodge in Texas (usually in the fall, but I heard rumors they might do two this year). You can check out details for this year's conference here (it was held at the end of Sept. but just in case you want to get a feel for it): http://www.laitylodge.org/writers-retreat-ii/

I really want to try to attend this one next fall -- I heard many, many wonderful things about it, and I think I like the idea of a retreat (peace, less hussle-bustle).

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:26 PM)  

I'm so glad you stopped me in the hall! It was wonderful to meet you, too!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:26 PM)  

And thanks for stopping by, Courtney! I'd love to meet you in person some day! :)

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:29 PM)  

I never realized I was an introvert (or maybe a low-level extrovert, as you say) until this very conference. You'd think after 41 years I would have gotten that by now. Or maybe I have just changed as I've gotten older? I love to talk and laugh and socialize, but I realized last weekend that I am MUCH more comfortable one-on-one or in a very small group - like a dinner party setting -- rather than a large crowd of people I don't know. I REALLY had to fight the flight instinct!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM)  

And I love your insights here, Michele! I just mentioned in a comment response above that I never knew until last weekend that I am actually an introvert. I prefer one-on-one company or a small dinner-party-type setting. Walking into that conference almost made me burst into tears (and it didn't help that we got there late, after everyone was already seated for dinner. ). If I hadn't been with my friend Deidra (www.jumptandem.net) I would have fled!

You are SO right -- God accepts us and loves us exactly the way we are. After all, he created us this way, so he gets it!

I'm going to pop over to your place for a visit soon -- thanks for stopping by here and leaving this wonderful comment!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:33 PM)  

Meeting you was such a highlight. The minute you said "29 Lincoln" it all came together!!

Kind of scared to see what that photo in the Relevant Flikr stream -- hope I don't have crazy googly eyes again!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:35 PM)  

Can I just say that everything you say -- even this comment -- makes me smile big?! "Awesome sauce, da bomb diggedy supremo" -- only you could pull a phrase like that off!

Love ya back!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 4, 2011 at 6:36 PM)  

Joseph, you crack me up with the purse comment!

And you are so right, it IS a challenge to find that balance, isn't it?

And that suitcase comment...now you're talkin' like a man! :)

JosephPote –   – (November 5, 2011 at 6:46 AM)  

By the way, in regard to your concern that your blog focus may be too broad...

It's interesting you raised that concern at this time, because earlier this week, in a conversation with my wife, I used your blog as the specific example of what I see as a well-defined blog.

To me, everything in your blog, from the title, to the pictures, to the bio's and layout, tell the reader what to expect, and then follow through with a consistent content message.

That is exactly what I feel my blog is currently lacking.  I have some good content, and readers who stick around to read it express that it was a blessing and that I often present a point of view they have not previously seen.

However, there is nothing to tell the reader, when they land on my site, what to expect from me.  It's just sort of "Hi, I'm Joe and this is my blog." 

I think part of the problem is that I'm still trying to figure out, myself, what my focus is...

So, anyway, I like your blog and hope to someday have mine as well-defined as yours is now...

Angela Dively  – (November 5, 2011 at 7:01 AM)  

I don't know that we were at the same table.  Our prompt was Memory and I read first b/c my laptop was dying. :O)

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 5, 2011 at 8:53 AM)  

Thanks for this insight, Joe. Sometimes I can't see the forest through the trees.

Honestly, though, it's been a work in progress. When I first started blogging two years ago I didn't have the "About" or the "Road to Faith" categories for background - I added those about a year into blogging.

It's okay if you are still trying to figure it out -- it takes some time. And then, even when you get there, you will change and grow as a person over a time, and your blog and your writing will reflect that. So I guess it's always a work in progress to some degree!

Anyway, I appreciate your encouragement and kind words - thank you!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 5, 2011 at 8:57 AM)  

My prompt was memory, too...was Lisa-Jo at your table? I brought about dropping my clarinet and breaking it in the middle of a band concert. What was yours about?

Angela Dively  – (November 5, 2011 at 3:34 PM)  

I was with Serena.  I wrote about my earliest memory (being baptized at age 9).  Then my computer died and it all went bye-bye. :( 
I played clarinet, too!!  How embarrassing to drop and break it in the middle of a concert!  Oh, my! 

Lisa  – (November 5, 2011 at 5:17 PM)  

Greatly appreciate the broadbrush overview! Some day I so deeply hope to build enough skill to join such a staggeringly talented group!

mylestones –   – (November 5, 2011 at 8:18 PM)  

Glad you didn't succumb to the panic and dive beneath the duvet. Sounds like a great experience. Now...as for the manuscript you had to frantically enlist your husband to help email.....does this mean things are moving? I'm so pulling for ya, my friend!

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 5, 2011 at 9:06 PM)  

Lisa, seriously! You have the talent, girl! Don't sell yourself short, please! And really, it's so much more about community and feeling the presence of God amidst so many.

I do know what you mean -- that was part of the reason I wanted to flee: so many women, so many writers, so much talent. But yet, as the weekend passed, and I got to meet some of these great women in person, I came to realize that they are human, just people like me, too.

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 5, 2011 at 9:08 PM)  

Well, moving at the speed of a glacier more like! She had *some* vague interest from an editor and needed my latest copy (I'd made a couple of revisions). So really not a big deal. But I am touched that you are pulling for me -- that makes me smile, Jo. Thanks.

Shanda Oakley  – (November 6, 2011 at 5:20 AM)  

Thank you so much for sharing all this with us.  I love the comment about catering to those who read your blog, NOT those who you desire!
I'm so happy you went and enjoyed yourself.  I hide away too often and so am thrilled you stayed out of your room and experienced all there was too offer.  What a wonderful opportunity

leslie –   – (November 6, 2011 at 8:12 AM)  

good lessons - thanks for sharing. (and i think you look beautiful in your photo!)

Michelle DeRusha  – (November 6, 2011 at 11:49 AM)  

Thanks for stopping by Shanda. And yeah, you are right -- that was a big lesson for me, to realize that people already come here to read what I have to say -- why don't I focus all my love and energy on them instead of pining for more people. Love the ones you have!

Kathryn Ross –   – (November 6, 2011 at 7:24 PM)  

So, you'll have to really forgive me - I'm green with envy - Sorry, Lord - sounds like a great conference!  Been a while since I've been to writer's conferences.  Your take-aways were great!  Thanks for sharing the fruit of the event!

Mary Bonner  – (November 7, 2011 at 7:40 AM)  

I love this post and loved meeting you.  If I listed the top 10 things about Relevant for me, meeting you would be on the list!  Sorry I am so behind.  Hope to catch up this week. 

s faust –   – (November 7, 2011 at 3:25 PM)  

Sounds like a great conference! I went to She Speaks this past summer...would love to get to go to this one also one day.  Thanks for sharing your bits of great info and tips! :)

mamaabby –   – (November 8, 2011 at 12:00 AM)  

Ha! Guess who's behind in her blog reading {way behind...oh my, must have other big stuff going on;};} and come to find this big picture of us!

Sweet of you to post it and still so even though it was the only one you took;}...I think it's great and no cockamamied eyes!!

I also loved your review of Relevant and the reminders again of what I took away from it too...hugs to you!

Sarah Comley Caldwell  – (November 9, 2011 at 11:30 PM)  

Lovely post - thanks Abby!  Michelle - thanks so much for stopping by my blog, and reading my post on waiting...it means alot!  I also loved your post on the Relevant conference - I wanted to go sooo badly,  but by the time I learned what it was it was sold out with a long waiting list.  Next year, I'm there for sure!! :)  I so enjoy your blog, and I am so grateful for your reading and encouraging comments on mine! :)  Blessings to you!

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