The Missing Miles

For those of you here from the Ultimate Blog Party 2011, welcome! This is my first time joining the party -- and there are A LOT of cool blogs to check out over there, so be sure to swing by and participate, too!

My post below is actually part of Ann Voskamp's 1,000 gifts community. I just started keeping my own list just recently after I read her amazing book, and I have to tell you, it's changed my life already. I LOVE keeping my eye out for God's gifts in the everyday.

In general my blog Graceful is about finding, and keeping, faith in the everyday. I am a longtime doubter who fell from religion many years ago, and just recently returned to God in the last few years. Oh, I've written a book, too -- a memoir about that journey...but it's unpublished (although I recently got an agent, so that's a step in the right direction!).

Long story short, this post will give you a glance at my dear family back in Massachusetts -- but for the record, I now live in Nebraska with my husband, Brad (and English professor who loves Moby Dick - yikes), and our two boys, red-headed Rowan and contemplative Noah.

For more than you ever wanted to know about me, click on the "Nice to Meet You" and the "Road to Faith" tabs above. Oh, I'm also not shopping for a whole year -- I know, I am a little crazy sick in the head. Click on the "Shop Not Project" tab above for more about that.

And hey, it's so nice to meet you, too! Thanks for stopping by...

Here's my post on Missing...


It still hurts. I guess I thought after nearly ten years I’d be used to the fact that I live 1,500 miles from my entire extended family. But I’m not.

Don’t get me wrong…I love Nebraska. The wide sky and rustling corn. The friends who make me clench my stomach in laughter. My home, wrapped snugly in a white picket fence. The neighbors who sit on front porches and welcome a late-afternoon chat. The traffic-less city streets and the gravel roads that unspool like grey thread as far as the eye can see.

I found God here…I sure can’t argue with that. And we have carved out a life here, too – Brad, the boys and I – a life full and rich with gifts and grace.

Except…

I miss.

I miss big, loud, raucous family gatherings, Aunt Kathy, Aunt Mo and Aunt Pat laughing as they munch cheese and crackers on paper plates; Uncle Joe, Uncle Mike and Uncle Kevin against the back wall of the kitchen, elbow-to-elbow, beers in hand.

I miss appetizers and Shiraz under the low lights at Spoletos, long walks around town and coffee and biscotti with the girl who has known me all of my 40 years.

I miss authentic Italian and the pizza guys who smile sly as they twirl.

I miss the boy who is two but speaks like a diplomat, each syllable clear and crisp and annunciated just so.

I miss hitting the Kohls sale with Mom and hearing Dad ask the boys how much food to feed Swimmy the Beta.

I miss laughing over nothing and everything with my sister, Matt’s hamburgers on the grill, snowy afternoons with paintbrushes, cousins squished on the couch, acting silly for no reason, boys elbow-deep in suds at Meme's sink.

But despite all this, despite the hole in my heart and the empty hollow that reserves her own seat right next to me on the flight back to Omaha, I am grateful. I won’t stop missing, this I know. Because missing means I love. And so I accept it as a precious gift.

Giving thanks for…

88. Driving back country New England roads
89. Cow on a leash
90. Breakfast with old friend
91. Oliver’s laugh
92. Cousins "doing dishes"
93. Grinning pizza-maker
94. Painting birdhouses while snow falls 
95. Boys building sky-high block tower with Pepe
96. Irish men in tweed caps
97. Planning diet with Dad
98. Missing

And have you joined the party??? This is my first time!