Because the Bible Tells Me So

I used to think the Bible wasn’t a book for me. I used to think it was a book for holy people, for people who prayed regularly and fervently, for people who admitted in public that they’d accepted Jesus as their personal savior. I assumed the Bible was best read by religious people, so they could work on growing even more religious. I assumed irreligious people like me wouldn’t find anything relevant within those onion-skin pages. I assumed all this before I ever cracked the binding of a Bible myself.

I bought myself a Bible about three years ago, about a week before I was to begin my first-ever Bible study class. I’d had a Bible as a kid, an illustrated version, but it had gathered dust next to the Time-Life science series on a shelf in the basement. I never saw anyone in my extended family read the Bible; I never heard anyone quote a line from it outside of Mass. The Bible was a territory relegated to priests and nuns.

The night before my first-ever Bible class I flipped through my brand-new Bible. The pages fell open to Mark 9, and my eyes landed on a phrase that seemed to be meant solely for me. I read it several times, unsure if I was perhaps misreading the passage.

In the story a desperate father begs Jesus to cure his demon-possessed son, beseeching, “Help me if you can.” Jesus responds, simply noting, “Everything is possible for him who believes,” to which the man replies -- and this is the key line for me -- “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.”

A contradiction, yes, but one I know and understand well. One moment I proclaim my steadfast belief in God, the next moment…I’m not so sure. This is the way it is for me – an ebb and flow; two steps forward, one back. I call myself The Waffler.

Some people – my mom, for one – are blessed with an unshakable, unquestioning faith. Others battle a period of deep doubt and come out more grounded, more faithful, on the other side. And I, like the father in Mark 9, vacillate by the day. Sometimes by the hour. Sometimes by the moment.

I used to think this made me less of a believer – less “qualified.” Reading this story in Mark, reading that line about belief entwined with unbelief, tells me that belief coupled with doubt may be acceptable after all. For some of us, belief is a mere breath away from unbelief.

The key to moving beyond this flux, Mark tells me, is to ask for help. “Help me overcome my unbelief,” the man implores Jesus, and his prayer is answered.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Jesus later tells his disciples, when they ask him why they themselves had been unable to drive out the demon, that “This kind can come out only by prayer.” Yes, Jesus is referring to the demon in the child. But I think that last line is key to understanding the story in its entirety. Asking God for help is indeed a form of prayer. God is telling us that some challenging situations will only find resolution in prayer. Perhaps disbelief is indeed one of these challenges. I choose to believe that my own little slice of demon-possession, my unbelief, will indeed be dissolved…with God’s help.

Image: "Like-Love," by Gina Whitt.